<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Cabin Fever by Laika_the_husband (Laika_the_wife)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087588">Cabin Fever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_husband'>Laika_the_husband (Laika_the_wife)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Chickens and sauna [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SKAM (Norway)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bipolar Disorder, Cabins, Chickens, Grumpy Isak Valtersen, Happy Ending, Hunters &amp; Hunting, Idiots in Love, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nature, Sauna, Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:07:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087588</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_husband</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Here we go! The chickens and sauna are back!</p><p>This picks up directly from where Signal ended. Even has returned to Isak's cabin up in the north, kind of hoping things could be the way they were.</p><p>Can they ever, really?</p><p>Evak endgame. It might get complicated first, though.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Chickens and sauna [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2213853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>247</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even rolled off Isak so he could get up. No matter how tempting the thought of getting it on right there under the summer sky was, the army of mosquitos swarming around them made Even not want to undress. He did not want one to bite his dick. Or any part of him if given the choice, but it seemed that they weren’t going to ask him. He got three with one slap on his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did not sign up for this”, Even groaned. He slapped on his ankle, then his shoulder, and finally just kept waving around in a futile attempt to shoo the things away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get used to them. Until you do, I have antihistamine and bug spray in the cabin”, Isak said, wiping dry pine needles off his pants. “Do not use the spray indoors. Got it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even blushed. It wouldn’t have occurred to him. He wasn’t in the mental state of flooding the cabin with ash and soot anymore, but there were so many things about this life that he simply didn’t know. He was a city boy, and he should have done </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> research before packing up his life and dragging it up here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak got up and held out his hand for Even. Even took it and pulled himself up, keeping the momentum going until he landed lips first on Isak’s lips. Isak kissed him back. Briefly. He pulled away and wiped a mosquito off Even’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pill. Spray. Go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even didn’t want to, but he had to, before he was going to get eaten alive. He let Isak go heat up the sauna and hurried back to the cabin himself. It felt almost weird to walk along the path normally, without hopping or leaning or crutches. He was walking on his own. He had been brought to this place, this cabin and to Isak Valtersen, without him really having a say on things, but now he was here on his own terms. It felt good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was so beautiful in here. In the middle of nature. The sunlight was sieved through the trees, everything was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>green</span>
  </em>
  <span> and oh my god Even had reached the yard and saw the chickens. They were all there. Claire, Nicole, Pedro. And Julia, with her chicks. Even looked at the small things and his heart was swelling with somewhat fatherly pride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello! Did you miss me? I’m so glad you made it through the winter.” Even pulled up some blades of grass and offered them to the chicks. They didn’t seem interested. “I’m uncle Even. It’s really nice to meet you. Your daddy didn’t tell me which of you is which, we must fix that as soon as possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something brushed against Even’s fingers, making him jump. He looked at his hand and saw the goat, munching on the grass he was holding. Even smiled, exhilarated. He had forgotten about the mosquitos. The goat was eating from his hand! He had made a friend of it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi”, Even hummed, worried he might scare the animal if he started shrieking or something. She was so pretty! She was mostly brown with some white and black bits, and the horns on her forehead curved beautifully. Even really wanted to pet her, but he wasn’t sure if goats were angry animals. Or bitey. “I’m Even. I live here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really lived here, didn’t he? Isak hadn’t turned him away, and he wasn’t one who played games like letting him stay for the day and maybe the night and only then send him off. If Isak didn’t want him to stay, he would have told him so. With very, very colourful language.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking about him as Isak, here, felt a bit weird. Valtersen was a more suitable name, strong and sturdy, matching the capable man of the woods. Isak was -- well, younger, at least. It reminded Even of the fact that Isak was actually younger than he was, and that felt a bit weird, considering how much of Isak’s guidance and care Even needed to make it out here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It did feel good to be on first name basis with Valtersen, though. Isak. When the goat had eaten all the grass and lost interest in Even, Even pushed himself up on his feet. He wished he had asked the goat’s name. He wondered if she had one. Valtersen had named Julia’s chicks, but he had done so - Even liked to think - in Even’s honour. He was the kind of man who would call his dog just Dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit, how many mosquitos had bitten him already? Even hissed and swiped his arms, getting rid of at least ten of the beasts. He was going to die from the itching, wasn’t he? Even hurried up to the porch and into the cabin. He closed the door carefully behind him. The antihistamines were in the medicine cabinet, just as Even had assumed. He felt a sting at the root of his thumb and shook his hand, making a couple of boxes fall out of the cabinet. He reached down to pick them up, and he wasn’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>looking,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he saw it anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even took the antihistamine and shoved all the boxes in the cabinet. It was none of his business. And if those helped Isak get some sleep, it was only a good thing. He needed to sleep. Sleep was important. It was just so unlike Valtersen to resort to chemical assistance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. He did have antihistamines and bug spray. Those were chemicals, too. Water was a chemical. Even was making a big deal out of nothing, because manic or not, that was his specialty. He should just leave it, and wait until tonight to see if Isak took anything, and bring it up then if he did. That was a solid plan. If he got mad at Even for asking, Even could probably find some way to be forgiven.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even licked his lips quickly. It had been. Well. He hadn’t been with anyone since his unfortunate mistake with Chris. There had been chances, but he hadn’t -- the sad truth was he hadn’t wanted to write Isak about it, and leaving it out would have felt like cheating. Even gave a quick look at the table, and frowned. He turned to look at it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t the same colour anymore. Even wasn’t sure how much work repainting a table would take, but it was probably significant. It wasn’t a five minute thing. Especially if it was done this well. Even ran his fingers along the white surface. It looked good, it brightened up the place and the coat of paint was very smooth. It was crafted with care, but Even wasn’t sure if it was made with love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How the hell was he supposed to bring </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> up in a conversation? Was it necessary? Maybe it was better to stick to the chickens and goats. Safe subjects. Though right now, standing by this repainted table, no subject felt exactly safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the fuck was he doing here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even blinked slowly, as the weight of everything landed on his chest and nested there. All his past sins, and a couple of future ones for good measure. He hadn’t thought about it before, because he couldn’t, it had been too painful and he had been too detached from himself and his emotions, but --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had really hurt Isak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even leaned closer to the surface of the table. He wasn’t sure, but it looked like Isak had sanded off the previous coat of paint. That had been a lot of work to perform out of spite. But out of heartache?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even was probably underestimating Isak’s reserves of spite. He could keep telling himself that. He could have made himself believe it, too. He was very good at telling himself things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The porch creaked. Even pulled himself upright so fast it made him a bit dizzy. Isak had returned from the sauna, and he must have seen Even through the window, his cheek practically pressed against the table. What if Isak thought Even had been reminiscing that night with Chris?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry”, Even blurted out the moment Isak opened the door. “I was hurt and jealous and drunk and stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked at him from under a burrowed brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re drunk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No! I’m not drunk </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> but I was then. When I. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded slowly. He walked to the cabinet, opened it and took the bug spray out. He placed it on the table in front of Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even took the can. It felt cool. He slinked past Isak and slipped out the door. He shook the can on the porch, closed his eyes and just sprayed the stuff all over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a fucking idiot”, Isak groaned, dragging Even out to the yard. Even was coughing his lungs out, his eyes were stinging, and he had to agree. He was an idiot, and without Isak he would have still been standing in the cloud of poison he had created under the roof of the porch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even leaned on Isak and tried to breathe. It felt familiar. It felt like there was a way back after all. Everything hadn’t been lost. Isak helped Even lie down on the ground and went to get some water to rinse Even’s eyes. He poured it out of the bottle and the burn was finally relieved. Even sat up slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, coming up here. Should I just leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak helped him up. He wasn’t looking at Even. He nodded at the goat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her name is Buttercup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even couldn’t believe his ears. Isak had named the goat?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buttercup? You’re seriously telling me you named her Buttercup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I told you that’s her name. She had it before I bought her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even looked at Buttercup. She was so cute. When he turned back to Isak, he could only see his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll check on the sauna. Try not to kill yourself meanwhile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even buried his fingers in the grass. He tried to remain calm. He had asked directly, and Isak hadn’t told him to leave. He was welcome here. Somewhere behind him Pedro Almodóvar crowed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>At least the mosquitos didn’t bother Even that much anymore. He could sit there in the sunshine and look around the yard. The chickens were strutting about, minding their own business, and Buttercup seemed happy to munch on a patch of fresh grass at her feet. It was so peaceful. Even was nothing but. He stuck out of this pastoral dream like a sore thumb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything on the yard had a place and served a purpose. Even spent a moment looking at gardening tools hanging on the wall of the chicken coop. Isak had a garden? That was something Even had always figured he would like to try. Digging in the dirt, tending plants, harvesting the fruit of his labour. He didn’t get much chance of it in the city. He had tried potted plants, but they always died on him. He was fairly confident that outdoor plants, especially ones Isak Valtersen grew in his garden, were rather robust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were probably grown for food. If Even killed them, they wouldn’t eat. He was many things, but self sufficient was not one of them. He had brought one bag full of cup noodles and instant pasta with him, just add water kind of things, but if Isak liked them he would have had some in the pantry, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even pulled his legs up against his chest and leaned his forehead on his knees for a bit. He was letting his insecurities get the best of him. He didn’t know what he had expected from today. He had followed his heart up here, and now that same heart was cowering in his chest, trying to find courage to keep beating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Isak just somehow showed he was happy Even had come. That was all. Even hadn’t really expected a parade, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> enthusiasm would have been nice. Even had watched Isak’s video about a thousand times, and every time he just sort of ignored the bit where Isak said he didn’t want his mail. His mail, also known as Even’s stupid letters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stupid”, Even whispered. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, was that enough self pity? Isak would not take it well if he caught Even wallowing like this. He wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t have sat around feeling sorry for himself, he would have just got up and done something. Like sanded a table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. Even had things to do. Stuff to unpack. He might have felt better after getting his things out of the car and into the cabin. It might have felt like he was staying. He wanted to stay. He wanted to learn to help with the chores, and he wanted to bathe with Isak, and he wanted to wake up to the smell of coffee and eggs and beans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even got up with new determination. He was going to do this. He was going to stay here, and he was going to make Isak if not like him, then at least get used to his presence. He was going to prove he wasn’t completely useless, and that he could be left to his own devices without him trying to kill himself with some creative method.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He got to the car and opened the trunk. He started with the food bag, because he was worried that animals might get interested in it. Some squirrels, or birds, or maybe Buttercup. Even did not want to make her sick with a monosodium glutamate overdose. He grabbed the sleeping bag in his other hand and headed for the cabin. He had time to kill, it was best to not try to carry it all in one trip. He didn’t want Isak to return from the sauna and find him lying on the ground with a pile of bags on top of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, with multiple trips he was risking tripping over a root or something multiple times, and -- he was overthinking this. He was creating catastrophies in his head, and getting so entwined with them they started to become self fulfilling prophecies. He had to stop. It was just so hard. Even placed the food bag on the table and stopped there again, stroking the wood slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The memory of him wasn’t welcome here. Did that cover the real thing, as well?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even met Isak just sitting on the bench when he arrived to the sauna. The fire was humming gently in the stove behind the door. Even leaned his hip on the doorway and inhaled slowly. It smelled so good in here. Like wood. Warmth. Valtersen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to tell me if I can stay”, Even said. Isak looked away. He had his stoic aura around him again, but his eyes were restless. They kept darting from target to target, aimlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want for dinner? I was going to warm up some soup from yesterday, but you must be famished after the drive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even sighed. He wasn’t asking for too much, was he? It wasn’t unreasonable of him to want a direct answer to a simple question. Though the question wasn’t exactly simple, was it? It was loaded with meanings, and Even wasn’t sure of all of them himself. Maybe he needed to figure them out before demanding anything from Isak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soup is fine”, he said. Isak nodded. At least it was established that Even was going to stay for dinner. And for sauna, and he had packed a sleeping bag so maybe Isak would let him at least sleep on the porch before heading back down to Oslo. He was going to have to do this bit by bit, minute by minute, and no matter how difficult it was to him, it was all he could do. He looked at Isak one more time and stepped back. “I’ll go finish unpacking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak made a sound that told Even Isak had heard him, but nothing more. He didn’t expect anything more. He had forgotten how tough Isak’s shell was. He had four months to chip his way through it. Even turned around and walked to his car. He shook off the urge to just get inside and drive off. He had come this far. He had missed the sauna.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bit by bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even’s things covered the couch bed. He looked around in the cabin, and noticed it looked much smaller now. His stuff was taking so much space. It looked like an invasion. Even was feeling like an intruder. He was trying to keep thinking that Isak Valtersen would have chased an intruder off his property with a shotgun, instead of kissing him. Even touched his lips gently, just to remind himself of Isak’s lips on his. He was welcome here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even stepped back outside. He felt better out in the open. There was plenty of room out here for him to invade. And the animals were here, too. Even sat down on the steps of the porch and watched the chickens. It was nice to see them walking around freely instead of being cooped up in the -- coop. Hah! Even had never really thought of it, but it made total sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even leaned forward and reached his hand out towards Buttercup. The goat didn’t seem to care. She gave Even one look, noticed he wasn’t holding anything edible and turned her back on him. Fair enough. She was a goat, not a dog. Even kind of wished Isak had a dog, but it might have bothered the chickens. It might have not liked Even. Some dogs didn’t like him because he was so tall, but then again, Isak was tall as well, so his dog would have been used to it and --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. Stop. Even took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. He was doing it again. He was avoiding unpleasant thoughts by flooding his head with something else. Now he was well enough to notice he was doing it, and to understand it wasn’t a good idea. He was well enough to be a bit scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even heard Isak’s footsteps. They were calm and steady, steps of a man who was at peace with his life. Even longed for that calmness. A part of him thought that he could catch some of it just by being close to it. He had felt peaceful when he had been writing Isak letters. It had made Even feel close to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The steps slowed down as they approached. The closer they got to Even, the more hesitant they became. Even was disturbing Isak. It made sense. The peace Even was feeling must come from somewhere. Though right now Even had no idea where it had gone. Not to him, at least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stepped around the corner and stopped. Even looked at him. He didn’t see peace.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry I took so long! I have now completed the first draft of my Big Bang fic (artist sign ups deadline on April 9th!). It needs some more work, so not sure when I'll update this again, but hopefully soon! Could be tomorrow, could be next week, remains to be seen.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Isak didn’t continue walking Even had to pick up the slack. He walked to Isak. It still felt good to be able to do that. Isak just stood there, letting Even come. Even didn’t stop until their bodies practically touched. He raised his hand on Isak’s cheek. It looked pale against Isak’s tan. Isak looked so real, while Even himself felt mostly ethereal. Like he wasn’t actually here after all. But he was. He was here, touching Isak, he could feel Isak swallow. He could hear him inhale slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even kissed him. It was a soft kiss, with no haste, no agenda. It was simply a kiss, there only because they wanted it to happen. Even kept it going until it ended, but didn’t start a new one. He pulled back just enough to look into Isak’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stared at him. Even could see tiny flakes of gold floating among the green.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that”, Even hummed. “Let me try again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time Even slipped his other hand on Isak’s lower back. He pulled the man a bit closer and kissed him again. Isak returned the kiss with silent determination. It gave Even courage to keep going. He sucked Isak’s bottom lip between his lips and brushed at it with his tongue. He could feel Isak sigh right before he backed down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to eat”, Isak said. Even had to admit he was disappointed, but Isak was right. It had been a long drive for him, and he had been too nervous to eat. Now that he thought about it, his stomach made a demanding growl. He could barely catch it, but there was a hint of a smile at the corner of Isak’s mouth as the man stepped past him. His shoulder brushed against Even’s upper arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get the soup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even decided to wait right here. He was telling himself he didn’t want to get in the way and annoy Hungry Valtersen, but the truth was, he didn’t want to see that table again. He could still taste Isak’s lips on his, but he couldn’t help the insecurity surfacing. Isak had kissed him back, but he had also stopped Even from taking it further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stepped outside with a pot in his hands. Just seeing him made Even’s heart beat faster. He followed Isak to the side of the cabin. There was a small outdoor kitchen, made of red bricks. It had a griddle placed over a fire pit and a single gas burner next to it. The gas bottle was safe in its own compartment. Isak placed the pot on the burner and flicked the switch on the bottle, pressed a button and there was fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool”, Even said. “Nice kitchen. Is it because the cabin would get too hot with the wood stove?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly”, Isak confirmed. Even probably imagined it, but he sounded a bit amused. Maybe he was anticipating dinner. Which, to be honest, sort of worried Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The soup is from yesterday, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak adjusted the flame until he was happy with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s been quite warm. Are you sure it’s still okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked at Even over his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I mean. I don’t want to get a food poisoning when all I have is an outhouse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak raised his brows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. Uh.” Even rubbed the back of his neck. He shouldn’t have asked, he knew it now. It was too late to take it back. “Are you sure the soup is okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look up to the roof”, Isak said. He had to ask again until Even finally obeyed. He looked, and he saw solar panels. There were some on the roof of the shed, too. “I don’t need power for anything else in the summertime. I have an electric cooler. It’s not powerful enough to keep things like uncooked meat, but cooked stuff is fine the next day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even was sort of enchanted. Isak had talked so much in one go that Even was finally able to really appreciate hearing his voice. Too bad it was over something as mundane as electric coolers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you have a generator?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. It runs on gasoline. Dragging fuel all the way out here is a bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. That made sense. And if the food was okay in the cooler, then he had no reason to demand for a proper fridge. He was in no position to make any demands anyway, he was just lucky to be here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought food”, he said. “Cup noodles. Pasta. Just add water -kind of stuff. They don’t need a fridge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was again. A hint of a smile. This time Even was sure he had seen it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve actually thought this through?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even licked his lips quickly. He could feel himself blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As far as I ever think through anything”, he confessed. Planning was not his strong suite. He just did things, like packing his stuff and driving all the way up here without knowing if he was welcome.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak turned around and stirred the pot. It was starting to smell very good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of soup is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak faced Even again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chicken”, he said with a deadpan face. Even stared at him, in stunned silence, and then he spun around fast enough to make himself lightheaded. He tried to count the chickens and chicks but they kept moving around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard a sound behind him. It was so out of place it took him a second to recognise it. It was a snort. Isak Valtersen was laughing at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You tricked me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Even turned back he saw Isak had doubled over, holding his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have seen your face! Do you really think I would have done it to my chickens?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even almost told Isak he kind of thought - or had thought, at least, in the past - that Isak could have killed a girl. He was so happy he didn’t say it out loud. That could have gone so, so badly. Even still didn’t know what had happened with Isak and Emma, he hadn’t watched the video before deleting it, but he sort of knew anyway. He knew Isak hadn’t hurt anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Asshole!” Even half shouted, half laughed. He was so relieved he wasn’t really angry. He was so happy to hear Isak laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s vegetable soup with beans and a couple of slivers of deer jerky for flavour”, Isak said. “We can eat some noodles later if we get hungry again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every time Isak included Even in any kind of future, no matter how close to the present, Even’s heart made a tiny celebratory somersault. There was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>later</span>
  </em>
  <span> where there was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> and that was all Even could ever ask for. That was all that he needed. Isak lifted the lid off the pot and gave the soup another stir.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dinner time. We can eat on the porch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded, grateful. He didn’t want to go sit by that table with Isak just yet. Not now, when everything was so nice. Isak turned the gas off and took the pot with him. He put it down on the top of the steps and stepped inside to get them bowls, spoons and a jug full of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It might have been because he was so hungry, or the lovely summer day turning into a nice summer evening around them, but Even had never eaten tastier soup in his life. He devoured three bowlfuls and almost offered to lick the pot clean. Isak put the bowls and spoons into the pot and took them inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wash them later”, he said when he returned. “The sauna is ready.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even knew he was pushing his luck, but he went for it anyway. He took a couple of  longer steps to bring him next to Isak. He brushed at Isak’s hand with the back of his fingers. Isak pulled his hand away and pushed his fingers through his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about going fishing this week. Now that you’re here to look after the animals I could be out for a couple of days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Even’s heart didn’t know what to do. It wanted to do a backflip because Isak was basically acknowledging Even was going to be here at least for a couple of days, but it wanted to curl up into a corner and cry at the thought of Isak going away. For days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remember the last time you left me in charge? I almost burnt the cabin down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded. He grabbed the door handle and glanced at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were better now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even blushed. His cheeks were glowing red and hot. He was looking forward to the dimly lit semi darkness of the sauna, but when they stepped in and closed the door, the room was full of light. The window was small, but there was still daylight outside. A lot of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am”, Even said quietly. “Much better. But I can still fuck up. How do you even milk a goat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stopped moving in the middle of pulling off his shirt. The collar was stretched under his jawline, framing his face with an oval shape that reminded Even of those things at amusement parks, where you could have your picture taken as a princess or a strong man or something like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buttercup doesn’t make milk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Didn’t you say you got her for the milk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Isak pulled the shirt over his head, and Even could see that Isak didn’t need a painted frame to look like a strong man. God, that man looked good. “Then I learned that in order for her to keep making milk she would have to give birth regularly. I don’t want a herd of goats, and killing baby ones just so I could get milk was out of the question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even felt like a stupid city boy again. He should have known this. He knew how milk was produced, he just didn’t think about it. You didn’t need to think about it in the city. Many things were different up here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak pulled his pants down. Even kept staring at him with his mouth slightly open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Coming?” Isak asked. Even realized he was still fully dressed. He felt shy, all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a way to cover the windows? It’s so bright in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak arched his brow at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have seen you naked before. Clearly. Has something happened to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even turned his head away. Nothing had happened. He looked pretty much the same he had looked in December. Maybe he had lost a little bit of weight. His appetite had been kind of missing in action lately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just so bright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was quiet for a moment. He looked at Even, carefully. Even could feel Isak’s eyes on him. He didn’t turn to look back at the man. The silence between them stretched on, while the nature kept making its racket outside the building. Birds singing, leaves rustling, branches creaking. Pedro crowed, Buttercup bleated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak sighed. He stepped past Even, completely naked, and walked across the yard. The door was left swinging. Isak was shown to Even in flashes, his ass and thighs much paler than the rest of his body, but every bit as beautiful. Even didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He could walk now, he could have followed Isak, but he stayed. He waited. That was what he did, he waited for Isak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door stopped swinging and closed just after Isak disappeared behind the cabin. Even sat down on the bench, closed his eyes and grabbed his elbow. He took deep breaths to calm himself down. It smelled amazing in here. He listened to the fire humming in the stove and let the images flow in his mind. The candlelight. The skin. The muscles, the water, the soft motions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That might have been a mistake. It had been months. Even had missed that man so much. Nobody made Even feel the way Isak Valtersen did. He had thought it had been only his obsession, or the afterglow of it, but there was something else. There was a flame, and it was so small that he couldn’t see it clearly in daylight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That cursed daylight flooded in when Isak opened the door. He was carrying a blanket, a hammer and some nails. He nodded at the windowsill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clear that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even got up and gathered the things from the window. The porcelaine soap dish with two bone dry cigarette buds, the rust spotted disposable razor, the candlestick in its holder, two matchboxes, one of them empty and one of them rattling. Some old spider web got stuck on his fingers. It made his skin crawl, but he couldn’t do anything about it with his hands full. He did his best to focus on Isak instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak pushed a nail through the corner of the blanket and then hammered it into the wall above the window. It got darker bit by bit, and when Isak was done, the whole window was covered. They were standing in near darkness, and Even could barely breathe. Isak had put holes through a perfectly good blanket, and into a perfectly good wall, just because Even didn’t like the light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me help you with those”, Isak said. His voice sounded softer in the dark. Even felt his fingers brush against his. He took the things out of Even’s hands and placed them on the bench bed. There was enough light seeping under the edges of the blanket to eliminate the need for the candle. Even decided to not ask for Isak to light it for the mood. They were out in the woods, and candles were necessary when it got dark, and it wasn’t as simple as popping into the corner store if you ran out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak returned to Even. There was quiet determination in the way he moved. He could tell how restless Even was. Isak’s whole being reminded Even of people who worked with wild animals. No sudden motions. Silent dominance without any bells and whistles. Even found it so easy to simply submit to him. It took him back to the days when he was at this man’s mercy. His body remembered how much he had liked it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak raised his hand and touched Even’s cheek. Even turned his head, just enough to touch the inside of Isak’s wrist with his lips. He looked at Isak, his chin pressed, and opened his eyes a bit wider. He was asking. There was a chance Isak was going to say no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you, Valtersen”, Even whispered. He was so nervous. Maybe Isak didn’t want to be Valtersen right now. Even should have explained himself, he should have told Isak why he felt like he needed this to happen this way, but he didn’t know how to put all those feelings into words. He wanted to go back, just for a moment, back to the time before he had fucked up and ruined everything, and right now, in the near dark, that felt possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak’s eyes looked a couple of shades darker now. Even kept staring into them. He was looking, for a man from the past, and the fire crackled in the sauna, and Even was already there now. In the past. He was standing in front of a man he feared almost as much as he desired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got too much clothes on, city boy”, Valtersen murmured. Even was shaking a bit. Yes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He nodded, mute, and Valtersen brushed his thumb across his bottom lip. Even sighed softly. He surrendered, fully. He was rock hard now, and that embarrassed him deliciously. He was so easy, so powerless in the hands of this man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shouldn’t have asked for this. He knew he should have just come to the sauna and bathe with Isak and start their journey of discovering who they were now, and how the men they’ve become could find a way to be together, but he was a coward. He had thought about this too many times to let go of this just yet. Just this one more time, to get it out of his system, yes? That wasn’t too much, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Valtersen grabbed him. No. He grabbed his shirt. He pulled it upward, and Even lifted his arms, and allowed Valtersen to peel his shirt off like he was skinning him. Even was prey. He had been caught. He liked being caught, he loved it, so much. He was panting softly as Valtersen grabbed the waistline of his pants and pulled it lower. The pants got caught by Even’s hard-on, and Valtersen gave him a quick glance. It was too dark for Even to tell what the man was thinking just by that look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Even was naked he almost wanted to cover himself. His legs were all wobbly, too. He was barely breathing. He was so wound up, he was going to snap any second, and Valtersen could tell. The man grabbed Even’s shoulders and guided him to sit down on the bench.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on, then.” Valtersen stroked at Even’s cheek, guiding his face. Even followed the lead and his eyes got caught by Valtersen’s dick. It was just as lovely as Even remembered it being. It was almost hard, and as Even grabbed it almost carefully it grew into its full potential. Even licked his lips slowly and guided the tip between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Valtersen sighed softly. He pushed his hand into Even’s hair. Even closed his eyes and focused on the task at hand. He took the dick deeper into his mouth, and sucked on it, and rolled his tongue along it, and it was so, so good. Everything was exactly like it had been back when. It was perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Self sufficiency, city boy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. Oh yes. Even hadn’t known he wanted this before it was given to him. He wanted to be used. The prey didn’t get anything from the hunter, and that was an integral part of the whole scene Even had built in his head. He made a tiny, enthusiastic moan, and hurriedly grabbed his own dick. It was so hard in his hand. It made his mouth water even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Valtersen finished first. He tried to pull out but Even refused to let his dick go. He kept sucking it, insistently, he grabbed Valtersen’s ass with his free hand and pulled him back. He wanted it all, to the very last drop. He wasn’t disappointed. Valtersen squeezed Even’s hair into his fist as he came, with a couple of squirts, to the back of Even’s throat. Even made sure to suck him absolutely clean before he let the man go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even was left alone to get himself off. Valtersen took a bucket of water with him and stepped into the sauna. A waft of hot air blew over Even. He kept touching himself, feverishly, desperate to come before he caught himself. He could still taste Valtersen. He could still feel his hand in his hair. He cupped his palm over his tip and came.  He poured some cool water from the bucket over his hand to clean it, and then it was over. The stove hissed behind the closed door.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even was constantly surprised by how effortlessly he could move around here. He could simply stand up, take a step and pull the door open, without having to plan for his every motion while keeping the pain in mind at all times. Now that he had it again, freedom of movement felt almost trivial. There was, however, nothing trivial in the act of opening the door between him and the man who had entered it as Valtersen but had now turned back into Isak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was also bright in there. There was a window on this side as well, and it wasn’t going to get covered with wool for obvious reasons. Maybe, Even thought, they could - who was he kidding, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Isak</span>
  </em>
  <span> could - build window shutters on the outside or something. If Isak was willing to humour him that far. Perhaps it was better if Even just got accustomed to the light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even crawled up on the top bench and sat down next to Isak. Isak threw some water on the stones, and the soft but feisty hiss made Even close his eyes and embrace the sweet hit of heat. It pushed through his skin and flesh all the way down to the bones, and no matter how Even had tried to replicate it, there wasn’t anything quite like it. It was making him warm all the way through, and from every side at the same time, and he had missed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept his eyes closed. There was too much light in the room, and he wasn’t quite ready for it yet. He was going to be, soon, he was going to get used to the summer and to his ability to move around and to the nagging feeling in the back of his chest, the one that kept whispering that he shouldn’t have come here. He should. He had been right to come, and whether this was going to last four months or four days or four years or forever, he was not going to regret this decision, not really. It was possible he was going to get hurt by it, but he would just embrace the pain. Take the bad with the good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a while. The fire hummed, the ladle hit the bucket’s edges, the stove hissed. When Isak made a sound that sounded like he was about to say something Even almost opened his eyes, but then decided against that. If Isak wanted to talk, he was not going to disrupt the process.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go fishing”, Isak said. The confidence in his voice had a forced echo. “Tomorrow. I’ll leave tonight, spend the morning fishing and then come back. I’ll probably be home before you even wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even kept his eyes closed. He listened to Isak’s voice, the tenseness hiding behind it, and he knew why Isak wanted to go. It was to get away from Even, temporarily, to put some distance between them so he could think. It was reasonable. Even had thought about this for weeks, then he had planned and prepared for days, while Isak had just raised his head from his chore one moment and Even had been there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t touch the matches, the tools or anything with a sharp edge while I’m gone. You can feed the chickens and Buttercup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That thought brought a tiny smile on Even’s lips. He really liked the film crew and Buttercup, and any opportunity to interact with them was a delight. That hint of a smile gave Even strength to open his eyes and glance at Isak. He was leaning his back against the wall, looking through the window. His skin was glistening with sweat and the heat had raised some red patches here and there. He was making a point of not looking at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay”, Even said quietly. “I promise to be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you think I want? A good boy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even didn’t know what to answer. He hadn’t thought about it, not properly. He had just followed his gut, and this wouldn’t have been the first time his gut had mislead him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want, then?” Even asked. He was scared of the answer, but he had to ask now that he had an opportunity. He needed to know what Isak wanted, so he could maybe give it to him. Maybe then Isak would let him stay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to go fishing”, Isak said. He sounded irritated -- no. Agitated. The man was cornered. He had literally nowhere to run. Even could have just kept pushing him to learn anything he wanted to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can go”, Even said. “I’ll feed the animals. I won’t touch anything else, not even the bug spray.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak didn’t answer. He looked at Even for a moment. He ran his eyes up and down Even’s body, like judging his capabilities. Even was painfully aware there weren’t many of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. I’ll give you a rinse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. He was stupid and needy, but he was willing to let Isak treat him in any way he liked, if that only meant Isak was at least somewhat happy with him. He knew it wasn’t healthy, or what Isak would have wanted, but he felt how he felt and right now he didn’t have it in him to fight the feeling. He slipped down from the bench and out of the light, into comforting darkness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak followed right behind him. Their skins were almost steaming. Even sat down on the bench, following Isaks nod. Isak filled the small bucket with water and raised it above Even’s head. He paused mid-motion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you have wanted warm water?” Isak asked. He sounded like he meant it. That Even could have said yes, and it wouldn’t have been a big deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s good”, Even said. He raised his face and closed his eyes, and the sharp contrast of the cool water hitting his heated skin made him gasp. The sound was drowned by the water splashing on the floor, but Isak must have seen it. He kept pouring water over Even, rinsing all of the sweat away carefully. He shielded Even’s face with his hand as he wet Even’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed this”, Even confessed. The shampoo bottle cracked open. Even had bought the same brand, but it still hadn’t smelled like this in his bathroom. The scent of the sauna hadn’t been there. “Sometimes I’ve skipped the shower and just used buckets instead. It was..comforting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak just hummed. He lathered the shampoo into Even’s hair and rubbed his scalp with his fingertips. Even could feel hundreds of tiny clusters of built up stress just dissolve into warmth that flowed down his neck into his shoulders like water. It felt soft. This was all so soft and tender, that right this moment Even knew he had been right. It had been a good idea to come here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you”, Even said, because now he could. Isak rinsed his hair. Even heard fragments of Isak’s voice over the water, but he couldn’t make out what he said. He was smart enough to not ask Isak to repeat it. He just focused on Isak’s hands in his hair. How gently they worked out the tiniest tangles. Even was certain four rinses were enough to get every drop of shampoo out, but as Isak filled the bucket up again, he didn’t even consider complaining.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Isak simply dumped a bucketful of water on himself. Even didn’t ask to wash his hair for him. It would have made Isak washing his less special, and he wasn’t ready to give that up. He wanted to be special to Isak. He wanted Isak to take care of him, because, let’s face it, Even needed to be taken care of out here. However, he didn’t want to become a burden. He wanted to pull his weight, at least eventually, and hoped there was something in this arrangement for Isak as well. There must have been. Isak hadn’t told him to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe in a few weeks Even was going to believe Isak wouldn’t be telling him that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both wrapped a towel around their waist and sat down on the bench-bed to cool off. Even wasn’t feeling like getting dressed just yet. He wanted to enjoy the drowsiness in all of his muscles, but stepping outside in only a towel would have been a suicide. The mosquitos were still there, and Even was going to have to ask Isak to spray him before he left for the fishing trip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even was just a bit cold. Isak had poured so much cool water over him that he had cooled down himself. Isak’s warmth was glowing next to him, tempting him, but he didn’t follow the call. Soon enough he’d be out in the sunlight, and it would warm him up. He wasn’t complaining. At least Isak was still here. Close enough for Even to feel how warm he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak patted Even on the knee. He was about to say something, he drew a breath, but then he changed his mind. He touched Even’s knee again, then slid his hand up Even’s thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even bit his lip. He didn’t want Isak to stop touching him. He wished Isak would keep sliding his hand further up and press Even on his back on this bench. He wished he would have been as irresistible to Isak as Isak was to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak didn’t move his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit, the water.” Isak was getting agitated again. Even touched his shoulder lightly, with just the tips of his fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. No, it’s not okay.” Isak got up, grabbed Even’s hand and pulled him up as well. He kept pulling until they both were back in the sauna. It was so bright in there, the light made Even squint. They had both dropped their towel on the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even, I need you to take care of yourself. If you get sick, or hurt, it’s not -- it’s a four hour drive to the doctor. Another four hours to drive back here, so multiple visits are a real bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked actually worried. It felt good. It felt like Isak cared, but Even could not, absolutely not, start acting up just for attention. Not out here. Not to Isak. Focus, Even. Focus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s summer. I’ll get warm as soon as I step outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak made a frustrated groan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As if you would have said anything if I dunked you in a bucket of ice in the middle of the winter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even didn’t know what to say. Isak was right. He wouldn’t have made a fuss about that, because he didn’t want to make Isak think he was high maintenance. It was wonderfully warm in here, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to look after yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m trying. I really am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you’re not. You’re throwing your whole life in my hands without even asking if I want it.” Isak turned away and slammed his hand on the wall. It made Even wince. He wasn’t afraid of Isak, but he was very, very stressed right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. Should I just leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak sighed. He bowed his had and rubbed the back of his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That depends. Are you able to take care of your most basic needs? Food, water, shelter? I have all of that right here, but you must use them without me holding your hand all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to be a burden”, Even tried to explain. Isak shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then don’t be one! It’s that simple. Just tell me if you want something. Tell me if you need something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even hesitated. But there was something he wanted. Something he needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kiss me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak turned to look at him. His eyes made Even’s belly feel warm and heavy. He was so gone for this man, fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even cocked his head slightly. He stepped closer to Isak. Isak backed down, but hit the wall after half a step. He had nowhere to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to know what I need. I need a kiss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak blushed. He actually blushed. Unless it was the heat of the sauna.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, may I have one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak’s eyes darted back and forth, trying desperately to avoid looking at Even and constantly failing. He kept looking at Even’s lips. Even ran his tongue along them, slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mind if I help myself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even leaned closer. Isak cracked his lips, then closed them. He turned his face away. Fair. Even could feel it, the change in the balance between them. Isak knew his way around the woods and the cabin, but he was lost right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could also use some bug spray?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The spell was broken. Isak opened his eyes and he was back in charge. Even stepped back to make way for the man. Isak touched Even’s arm to make sure he had warmed up well enough. The touch made Even’s stomach do that thing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He followed Isak to the washing room. They got dressed in silence. Outside the world was flooded with life and light. It made Even squint. It took him a moment to reorient himself to everything that surrounded him. Buttercup walked up the path to meet them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey baby girl!” Even greeted the animal and squatted down to pet her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not a baby”, Isak said. Even could hear the smile shine through Isak’s voice. He waved his hand over Even’s back a couple of times to shoo off the mosquitos. “Keep moving or be eaten alive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, BC, your daddy’s right.” Even got up again and started walking. He could imagine Isak’s face right now, and the image made him giggle under his breath. He walked slowly, and Isak and the goat caught up easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not her daddy”, Isak remarked. Even hummed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Want to be mine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stopped walking. The silence behind Even’s back was stunned. Even giggled again, this time out loud. He wasn’t sure what had happened in the sauna, but it had given him a sense of security he had desperately needed. He knew it wouldn’t last, but right now, Even was certain everything was going to be okay.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even didn’t want to know what toxic chemicals were in that bug spray. It worked wonders. He could be outside without getting stung constantly. That was excellent, since he didn’t want to go indoors. There was something that needed to be taken care of, though, and while Even had heard Isak telling him to look after his own needs loud and clear, he also hesitated to ask. For obvious reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When is the sun going to set?” Even asked. Isak raised his eyes from the tackle box. He was sitting on the steps of the porch, with the box resting on his knees, sorting through the stuff inside it. Lots of sharp and pointy things in there. Strictly off limits for Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not really going to. Only for a couple of hours before it rises again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. He had expected that much, because it was summer, and they were up north, and he wasn’t a complete idiot. And because he wasn’t, he also waited until Isak wasn’t holding anything pointy or sharp before he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In that case, I need some sun screen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak swallowed. He stared into the void for a couple of seconds, then he looked up at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you bring some? I don’t have any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You’re outside all the time! Don’t you get sunburned?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every spring”, Isak said, and shrugged. “I get used to the sun soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even stared at him, horrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get skin cancer! How long would you have to drive to get chemotherapy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a drama queen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know half of it! But melanoma doesn’t discriminate. Congratulations, you have just earned yourself a free mole inspection.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak rolled his eyes again and got back to work with the tackle box. Even strolled to him as leisurely as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still need that sunscreen. And I did pack some.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I in your way somehow?” Isak asked, pretending to be focused on his task at hand. Even could see the redness on the back of his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’d just appreciate it if you helped to get my back fully covered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak took a deep breath through his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your clothes will block the sun”, he said. Even had to admit he was right. And a spoilsport.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine”, Even sighed and stepped past Isak. He kept his eyes locked on the bag the whole time he was inside. He didn’t want to see the table, or the bedroom, and be reminded he was going to spend the night alone in here. He took the sunscreen and practically ran outside. He managed to stop just in time before he hit Isak in the back. That could have been super bad, Isak might have landed face first in all the hooks. And they could have been spilled around the yard and the chickens or Buttercup might have hurt themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even lifted his foot up on the railing and rolled his pant leg up. He didn’t need sunscreen under his clothes, but he had nice legs, and he wanted Isak to pay some attention to them now. Even hummed to himself and squirted some lotion on his palm. He leaned over his thigh and spread it slowly over his skin. He took his time. The porch was in the shade, there was no hurry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was pretending to be focused on his work with the tackles, but Even could tell he was being watched. Isak was watching from the corner of his eye, and Even was more than happy to put up a show for him. He ran his fingers slowly along his nice long leg, rubbing the sun screen carefully in the skin. He repeated the process on his other leg, and then moved on to his arms. He couldn’t hear the tackles rattle anymore. He kept his eyes out on the yard and the chickens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you considered giving the chicks tiny bandanas or something to tell them apart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Bandanas?” Even could recognise that tone of voice by now. Isak had just heard the most idiotic thing ever, and he was surprised that the previous thing had been topped. “That sounds incredibly dangerous for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course”, Even sighed. “Everything out here is dangerous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, more or less”, Isak stated. He lowered his head again. Even had to lean closer to hear what he was saying. “You will learn. I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even saw it, like a scene from a movie. Isak, just a kid, brought out here to be safe from the whole country wanting to make him pay for a girl’s death. How scared he must have been. Had he been all alone? A small city boy, lost in the woods. Suddenly Even’s chest felt two sizes too small. He looked at Isak and saw the man shrink into a boy. Curly hair. Frightened eyes. Sitting on the steps, hugging his legs, staring into the dark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did Even remind Isak of that boy?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak slammed the tackle box closed, picked it up with him and walked to his car. He put it in the back. Even’s tight chest split open at the seams, bursting under the force of his racing heart. Was Isak leaving? Now? He knew how to feed the chickens, but what did Buttercup eat?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait”, Even pleaded. “You can go fishing, but just -- wait. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak closed the car door. He just stood there, next to the car, looking at his reflection on the side window. Was he seeing the man, or the boy?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about the sun screen”, Even said. “And the kiss thing and. Everything. I will learn, I promise. I want to learn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked at him from under his brow. It was a careful little look. Almost timid. Even was definitely looking at the boy now. The boy he had been looking at for years, lost in his obsession. That boy had grown up. Even was watching him grow up right before his eyes. Isak’s shoulders got broader, his back straighter, his chin higher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do I need to know until you get back? Is the chicken food still at the same place? What does Buttercup eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked like himself again. He looked like he knew what he was doing. He walked across the yard to the shed and nodded Even to follow him. Even obeyed, and when they stepped inside Isak showed him the padlocked boxes and the keys hanging on a nail above the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buttercup was an escape artist in her previous life. Keep the door closed with the latch down while you’re in here, because -- fuck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buttercup pushed her way inside between Even’s legs. She bleated demandingly and tried to push the lid of the box open with her head. She was really cute, but Even could understand why this was an issue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep the chickens out”, Isak said. Even grabbed the broom that was leaning on the wall and set out to guard the door. Nicole was strutting towards him with loads of determination, and as Even gently guided her aside with the broom. He was careful to not hit her with it, but when she flapped her fings and hopped to sit on the broomstick Even was out of options. He had fought, and he had lost, to a chicken with serious sass and impressive power moves under her wing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stepped out of the shed, holding Buttercup in his arms. Even had never seen anything that hot in his life. He knew it was impossible, but he wanted to bear that man’s children. A dozen of them. Isak counted the chickens on the yard and kicked the door closed before putting the goat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried”, Even said, still holding the broom and the chicken in an awkward angle. Isak nodded slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put the broom down”, he said. That was actually a great idea. Even started to bend down when Isak hastily reminded him to do it slowly. He nodded. He didn’t want to scare Nicole, though she seemed quite fearless. She remained sitting on what was now her broom and Even had to let go of it and leave it on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The measuring cups are in the boxes. Buttercup gets one cup of pellets for supper and one for breakfast. Her hay is up on the beams, give her half a bale with the pellets. She will beg, but do not give her more pellets. They can make her sick. You know how to feed the chickens. Change all the water dishes in the morning, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even listened carefully and did his best to memorize the instructions. They were simple enough for him to remember, at least. One cup of pellets, half a bale of hay. Isak showed Even the shack where Buttercup spent her nights, and explained how to clean it up in the morning. It also sounded very doable. Even could do this. He could manage himself and the animals for one night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite that, he didn’t want Isak to go. He wanted to inspect Isak’s whole skin for suspicious moles, and to kiss every bit of it, and to surrender his body to Isak’s body over and over again for the whole night, and the next day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think you can manage?” Isak asked. Even wondered if it would have made Isak stay if he had said no. It would have made Isak pissed at him, at least. He decided to not take the risk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. For one night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded. He didn’t seem completely convinced. He kept looking at Even and then looking away. Then he muttered something about fishing rods and hurried into the cabin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please promise me you will come back”, Even said when Isak returned. Isak raised his brows and kept walking, taking the rods and a rucksack into the car. Even followed him. “Promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even, I’m going fishing, not to war! Of course I will come back. Probably before you even wake up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay. Thank you.” Even was feeling a bit like a fool, but he didn’t care. He was a fool for Isak, they both knew that already. Isak raised his hand on Even’s cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And because I’m coming back soon, I’m not going to kiss you goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. It kind of felt like Isak was stroking his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d better be prepared for me to kiss you hello when you come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak almost smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. Take care of the animals. The easiest way to get the chickens into the coop for the night is to put their food in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do not let the animals into the cabin. I mean it. It’s a serious health hazard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can make a little fire in the stove to boil some water for your pasta, but don’t use the fireplace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know how to make a little fire, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked at his hand, like he had forgotten that it was still resting on Even’s cheek. He pulled it back slowly and shoved it in his pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t be dead when I come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a cabin”, Even said. “Not a warzone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak chuckled. Very little, but still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Right.” He paused, taking a moment to look at Even. “I should get going now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It occurred to Even that he was probably the only person Isak had ever left behind in his cabin. That also meant Even was the only person Isak had ever met in here when he came back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want me to kiss you, you’d better leave immediately”, Even stated. Isak nodded. He opened the door and slipped behind the wheel. Even made a quick check to see that all the animals were out of the way and nodded. It was safe for Isak to go. Even watched him turn the car around and drive away, surprised by how okay he was with Isak leaving. He was going to come back. And Even was going to be here, waiting for him, welcoming him home.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Just like Isak had said, the sun didn’t really set. The bright daylight just dimmed a bit into a golden tone, and then faded into a blueish white twilight that lingered on for hours. Even had taken the animals inside and fed them when the twilight had started to set in, and the the empty, dimly lit yard reminded him of last winter. A summer’s night looked like a winter’s day, only greener. More alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even stepped inside to take a look at the clock. It was late. He was kind of hungry, but he didn’t feel like making a fire. Not a little one or a big one. He would be alright. All he really needed was his meds and some sleep. This had been a long day. Even yawned and stretched thoroughly on his way back from the outhouse, and a gust of air brushed against his wrist. He screamed and curled up quickly, and when he looked up to the sky he saw small shadows dart across it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another one swept by just above Even’s head. Even could hear its wings, and he screamed again. He slammed his hand against his mouth. He couldn’t scream, that was going to scare the animals. Pedro crowed from inside the coop. Great. Even had woken him up. He took a deep breath through his nose, kept his hand over his mouth and hurried to the shed. He leaned against the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. It’s just bats. Uncle Even got spooked, that’s all. Go back to bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pedro crowed again. Even hushed him for a moment, but that seemed to only agitate him further. He considered opening the door, but the chicks might have run off and Even didn’t know if bats were dangerous to small things. He knew he was too big of a prey for them, but baby chicks? Better safe than sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even remembered the last time he was here alone with the chickens. He had been so messed up. In charge of the wind. It had been probably the stress and trauma of the accident. It had been his worst episode yet, but his doctor had told him repeatedly that his illness wasn’t linear. A bad episode didn’t mean the next one was going to be worse, especially if he kept taking his medication and didn’t face another traumatic event. Still, it was easy to get worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bat swooped past him so close the tip of its wing touched him. Even covered his head with his arms and ran up to the porch and into the cabin. He slammed the door closed behind him, panting softly. Fuck. It was official, he hated bats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even went to his bag and brought it on the table. He needed to calm down, and he needed to take his meds, and he was going to catch two bats with one stone. He sat down and the familiar rattle and crinkling of the bottles and sheets helped him focus. Counting the pills helped him gather his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was okay now. He was stable. He had fed the animals and they were all indoors, and he had medicated himself. He was ready for bed. He’d go to bed, and fall asleep, and when he woke up, Isak would be back. He could do this. Even’s eyes got caught on the corner of the notebook sticking out of the bag. He grabbed it and spread it open on the table. He grabbed the pencil stub he kept between the pages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too dark to draw. It strained Even’s eyes. He didn’t care. He couldn’t be bothered to get up and fetch a lantern, or a candle, and it was as dark as it was about to get. He could kind of see. The image in his head was more important than the one on the paper anyway. He was drawing Isak, the scared young boy, alone in the middle of the woods. He could see so much of himself in that same picture. It made him feel closer to Isak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Even lifted his eyes it was getting lighter again. He had missed the window between his sleeping pills kicking in and wearing out. He was tired, but not sleepy. He still had to try, because if he didn’t sleep, he was in a significantly higher risk of another episode. That combined with his loneliness and the overwhelming sensory overload of simply being here again was a cocktail he wanted to avoid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He left his clothes on the chair. He crawled into the sleeping nook and under the covers that smelled like bug spray, smoke, the woods and Isak. Even took deep, slow breaths, and buried his face into Isak’s pillow. He missed Isak so much, and he was here, but Isak wasn’t. It was Even’s fault. Isak had run away from him, and he knew it, he just didn’t want to think about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides, Isak was coming back. He just needed time to think. Even had been dropped into his life without warning once before, and it had been intense. It was normal of him to need some distance now, to gather his thoughts, and Even was happy to give him what he needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so happy he could cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even pulled Isak’s pillow in his arms and curled up around it. He was so ridiculous. He had come on an unfortunate day, that’s all. Isak had probably been planning to go fishing for days. Even was simply too self centered. He was making this about him, and it wasn’t fair to Isak. Everything was going to be better in the morning. He just needed to close his eyes and sleep and let the morning come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>About fifteen minutes later Even opened his eyes. No sleep. He had never been this awake in his life. With every breath he took he was electrified by Isak’s scent. His every cell was desperate for the presence of that man. He was like on fire. He couldn’t stay in this bed, and he didn’t want to sleep on the couch ever again, and he couldn’t sleep outside because of the bats -- but there was a place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even got up too quickly and stumbled a bit on his way to the table. He had to lean on it with his palms for a moment to give his blood pressure some time to catch up. He felt the sturdiness of the wood and remembered, in a vivid image, himself on his back on it, with a man on top of him. It had been every bit as good as he had hoped, and it felt bad to regret it this much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even ripped out a page of the notebook, scribbled SAUNA on it and grabbed a blanket. He pulled it over his head to work as bat protection and ran up the path. He almost tripped over in the dark, but managed to stay on his feet. When he reached the sauna he almost left the blanket outside the door, but if it started raining or something Isak wouldn’t have been happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was almost completely dark inside. It felt comforting. It felt familiar. Even had to crack the blanket a bit so he could find the matches and the candle, and when the flickering warm light drew his shadow on the wall his shoulders relaxed. He was safe. He put the candle on the floor and took extra care to not knock it over as he crawled into the bench-bed. He rested there for a moment, watching the shadows and the warm light, and when his head started to feel heavy he blew the candle out.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even woke up to Isak crawling in the same bed with him. His hair smelled like sea breeze and camp fire smoke, and his lips nibbled at Even’s almost softly. Even made a sleepy little sound, and it was muffled by a kiss. Isak pushed his fingers into Even’s hair and kissed him, over and over again, until Even got himself awake enough to return the kiss properly. He opened his eyes and smiled drowsily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello”, he whispered. He could barely see Isak’s eyes in the dim light, but he could definitely see the hunger. To have Isak look at him like this was all Even needed. His whole body shuddered, eager to surrender, and he kissed Isak again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t too proud to beg. He hoped he didn’t need to. There was a silent determination in Isak’s motions and touches. He had made up his mind about something. Even wished he knew what it was, but he could find out later. Right now he wanted to keep kissing Isak just like this. Preferably forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even wrapped his arm around Isak. His hand met skin. Isak had undressed before slipping into this bed. Even ran his palm down Isak’s back and when he didn’t meet any clothes below his waist either he whimpered softly. He needed this so much, fuck. He needed Isak to want him, and to take him. He had needed it for months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak pulled Even’s blanket aside. All that skin pressed against his skin. It was warm. Smooth. Alive. Even spread his legs a bit so Isak could slip his leg between them, and pulled the man half on top of him. He lifted his thigh a bit and met exactly what he had been looking for. He gasped into the kiss, and Isak took advantage of his cracked lips. He slipped his tongue into Even’s mouth. Even welcomed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck”, Even sighed when the kiss was over. He opened his eyes and met Isak’s. He was looking at Even’s face, carefully. Even hoped he liked what he was seeing. He licked his lips slowly, and raised his thigh again. The touch made the corner of Isak’s lips twitch. Even reached up around the back of Isak’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you”, Even whispered. Isak frowned, barely visibly, if Even had blinked he would have missed it but he didn’t. He wet his lips. “I can’t do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Isak frowned properly. At least he was still there. For now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t keep watching you for signs. I can’t be scared all the time. I need to trust you.” Even scooted over so Isak could roll off him. Isak didn’t move. His weight felt so safe, but Even couldn’t trust it. The lust in his loins was losing to the ache in his chest. “I thought I could do it, I really did, but -- I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak placed his hand on Even’s cheek. It was a brief touch, but it felt longer. It left a mark, in a way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you scared of?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even almost chickened out. But he had made it this far. He couldn’t back out now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That I won’t be enough for you. That I won’t please you well enough, that I will fuck up somehow and make you -- I don’t know. Is there a word for it when you don’t hate someone but just won’t ever love them either?” Even’s voice was getting thin. His heart was racing so much Isak probably felt it against his own chest. Isak just looked at him, for a long time. Then he turned his eyes away for a second, then back again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even bit his lip. He had said too much. He had moved too fast. He had barely returned here and he might as well have never unpacked the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet. But -- I don’t know. It’s the goal, I guess? That we’ll fall in love and live together happily ever after.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded slowly. Very, very slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you have this fantasy in your head, and somehow it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault if it falls short?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? I’m not blaming you on --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, you are”, Isak interrupted Even. “You have created a future for us in your head. Then you have convinced yourself that I’m holding that future hostage, in order to keep you at bay. And then you’re getting mad at me for unfairly threatening to take that future away from you if you don’t behave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak paused, probably to give Even time to understand what he had just said. It was a lot to take in, but it made sense. It also sounded like something Even might do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I probably could be handling this better. I’m not good at things like that, I never have been. But I’m not keeping score on you, and if you are, that’s not my fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Isak rolled off Even. But he didn’t get up. He remained there, his body against Even’s. His eyes on Even’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said you can’t keep watching out for signs. Stop, then. I’ve never been accused of being exactly hard to interpret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even giggled. It was a semi-hysterical little giggle. His heart was pounding so hard. He was on the brink of fucking up permanently, he just knew it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want you to like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak didn’t say anything. He rested his head on Even’s pillow. His face was so close to Even’s. He was breathing on Even’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there a word for not not-liking someone?” Isak asked. Even shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you understand what I mean, though?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. He understood. Isak didn’t like him, but he didn’t not like him either. It was pretty much as good as he could really expect it to be at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I ruined the sex”, Even sighed. Isak laughed right in his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not ruined. It’s still there, waiting for us to be ready for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know, but -- still. I’m sorry. I wasn’t well last time I was here, normally I wouldn’t have been so. Well. Slutty.” The word made Even blush. He had been a slut, desperately starving for Isak and then happily succumbing to Chris. No, not succumbing, he had been asking for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re calling me a slut?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Of course not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, in my recollection we were having sex together, and in case you didn’t have someone secretly come over when I wasn’t around I was just as </span>
  <em>
    <span>slutty</span>
  </em>
  <span> as you were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even closed his eyes. Isak was so close to him. Their bodies were touching here and there. But Isak was right, it wasn’t on him. It was on Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was Chris.” Even didn’t want to bring that up, but it was necessary. Better now than later, before he had become comfortable in here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have slept with Chris”, Isak said. He sounded so calm. “He has a certain charm, and I would be a hypocrite to deny it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even opened his eyes. Isak was really there, and he was really saying those words. He looked as calm as he sounded, and Even couldn’t understand that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You kicked me out for it. You even repainted the table he fucked me on.” Even was an idiot for trying to convince Isak to hate him, but he couldn’t go on like this. He had to know what Isak thought about it. About him. Isak looked confused, then he sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I ruined the table by spilling some gun oil on it. It stained the old paint and wouldn’t come off, and I needed a project to keep me busy, so I sanded it off and painted it again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. Okay. That made sense. Much more than Isak trying to erase Chris fucking Even. Even tried to pretend Isak hadn’t ignored the kicking out part, but he couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you did kick me out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did.” Isak placed his hand on Even’s shoulder. If he wanted to make Even stay there, it was working. He couldn’t move, he could barely feel his body. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see it as revenge at the time but it might have been. I don’t know. I didn’t think I could handle you, and Chris was there to give you a ride.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. Maybe. He wasn’t sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand.” He knew he was a handful even when he wasn’t having an episode. Considering Isak’s character and life, Even definitely hadn’t been a good fit. Adding Chris to the mix must have been simply too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was wrong, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even’s heart was fluttering. It was because of the way Isak was looking at him right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I can handle you just fine.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it took me so long! Now my Big Bang story is pretty much done, but I have gone back to work now and I'm pretty drained at the moment. Let's hope I'll get used to it again soon enough!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Just like that, Even knew it. He felt it in the rush of relief that filled every fibre of his being. Now that he knew Isak didn’t hate him, that there was a chance for a happy end, it hit him. There was no goal. He had passed it already. He was in love with Isak Valtersen, and he liked it. At lest now that he knew he had hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak could see it all over Even’s face. He had to. Even could feel it himself, how he was shining, radiating, unashamed. It pushed its way out of him like a tsunami, or an avalanche, or a dawn, it was something huge and untameable and all anyone could do about it was stare at it in awe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bit like Isak was staring at him. Briefly. For a split second, he was unable to do anything but receive the tidal wave that hit him at full force. Immediately after that second had passed, Isak slammed the flood gates shut. Even could practically hear the booming sound thay made.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit”, Even whispered, barely out loud. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak shook his head very, very little. It looked like asking. Even took a deep breath and nodded. Okay. He didn’t have to talk about this right now. At some point, yes, but not right now. He wrapped his fingers around his heart and hushed it softly. Easy, easy. There was time. Isak needed time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you catch anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak blinked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Isak got it. He flashed Even an apologetic half-grin. It was very charming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a couple of small ones. I ate them for breakfast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rude!” Even pouted. He spent the whole night alone in here, and he didn’t even get any fish for his sacrifice? Rude. “Where’s my breakfast?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking about making you pancakes, but if you’d rather have fish, I can leave again to go catch some.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare!” Even wrapped his arms around Isak and pulled him into a playful wrestle. Isak wasn’t taking part, so it didn’t last long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really missed you”, Even hummed. Isak rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was gone for twelve hours, tops.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was gone for almost six months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corner of Isak’s lips twitched. It was hard to not read too much into it, but not as hard as Even had expected. It was ridiculous, how easily Isak had soothed Even’s mind. With just a couple of words, and none of them a promise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But now I’m here”, Even said, and touched Isak’s hair. “And you’re here. And we can find out where this will take us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak took Even’s hand. He brought it up to his lips and brushed at Even’s knuckles with them, but Even suspected he had done so only to unwrap Even’s arm from around him. Isak got up and started to get dressed. He had his back turned to Even, but Even didn’t exactly mind that. Especially when Isak bent over to put his pants on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even got up and pulled his clothes on as well. He didn’t hurry. He liked it in here, in the dim lighting, with just the two of them. The sauna was his sanctuary. In here everything was muted and gentle. In here they didn’t have to say anything. They could just be together. They folded Isak’s blanket up. Their hands touched at every fold, and when they were done, Even took the blanket in his arms. He hugged it tightly. It was his shield, and it was time to go now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outside the summer’s day was in full action. All the sounds almost hurt Even’s ears at first, before he got used to the racket everywhere around them. The sunshine was bright and sharp and hot, and it made Even remember something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still haven’t performed your mole inspection”, he said. Isak glanced at him over his shoulder and huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone thinks he’s a player.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so not a player. My moves are rubbish. But I’m genuinely concerned about your skin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My skin is fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t wait to see it up close.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The back of Isak’s neck turned a bit red. Even kept his eyes on it as they walked to the cabin. He wanted to touch it. With his mouth. He gave the blanket to Isak so he could stop by the outhouse on the way. If he went inside with Isak now he might not have made it outside in a while. And he needed breakfast. It was for the best to let Isak get cooking and just cool off by himself for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even took his time. He watched through the crack in the door and when he saw Isak walk outside holding something and disappear around the corner he decided it was safe to come out. He washed his hands in the bucket and headed for the outdoor kitchen. He met Isak there. He dropped a dollop of butter on the hot pan. The sizzle made Even’s mouth water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I feed the animals?” Even asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fed them before I got to you.” Isak poured some batter on the pan. It smelled delicious. “I did save Buttercup’s pen for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. I’m sure it was a real sacrifice for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak just hummed and flipped the pancake over. He looked so relaxed. That fishing trip had worked wonders. Even had survived it, too, so all in all it had been a good thing. Even wet his bottom lip slowly and imagined how good the words would taste in his mouth when he could finally speak them. Not yet. But soon. He swallowed them for now, gave Isak’s back one more lingering look and set out to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even returned to a stack of fresh pancakes on a plate. Isak slid two fried eggs on a separate plate and turned off the gas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go wash your hands”, Isak said. Even didn’t argue. He had been doing some dirty work, and while he hadn’t stuck his hands into anything, he didn’t know how clean the shovel and the pitchfork were. Those things weren’t probably washed regularly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even’s breakfast was waiting for him on the steps of the porch. Isak was cleaning the pan. Even sat down to eat and watched Isak work. He would never get tired of watching Isak. He made a point of not caring that Isak noticed he was staring. It wasn’t a secret anymore, and he really needed to make an effort to not watch out for signs of something Isak had said wasn’t there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These are so good”, Even said, his mouth half full of pancakes. “Don’t you want any?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m good”, Isak said. Even patted the porch next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on. I’ll give you one whole pancake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak considered. He looked at Even from under his brow. Even patted the porch again and raised the plate a bit. Isak sighed, but walked to him and sat down. Even held out the plate for him, and Isak rolled up a pancake from the top of the stack. They ate in silence, but they were eating together. That was enough for Even, right now.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's short. I'm exhausted all the time, this returning to work thing is hard work!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Isak walked out of the shed holding a chainsaw Even felt something ripple inside him. Power tools intimidated him a bit, mostly because he was so bad with them, but Isak looked so good holding one. Isak noticed Even was staring at him, maybe with his mouth open, and rolled his eyes. Even was too thirsty to care. It felt weird to feel this much lust, given that he hadn’t been ready to follow things through only hours ago. He obviously didn’t know what he wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been right to wait. They weren’t ready. No matter how ready Even was feeling right now, as his eyes ran along Isak’s body, as his mouth was watering at the sight, he wasn’t actually ready. He wasn’t crazy anymore, and that meant he had some restraint. Enough to watch Isak pull the cord of the chainsaw and feel the rumble of the sound in the bottom of his belly, and still not spontaneously strip naked and offer himself to this man of the woods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was tough, though. Isak had his back turned to Even, so Even had full view of his muscles at work. The chainsaw cut through the log effortlessly, but when Even looked up, at the strong shoulders and muscular back, he could witness the effort. He appreciated it. Definitely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The roaring buzz of the chainsaw kept the animals at a safe distance, but when Isak was done and grabbed an axe instead the chicks got curious about the saw dust. They flocked to the log and pecked at the morsels of wood, much closer to an axe wielding Isak than Even considered safe. Isak had lifted a piece of the log on the chopping block and raised the axe, when Even rushed up to his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Careful!” Even yelled. It startled Isak enough to make him almost drop the axe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Isak raised his voice at Even. Then he turned and saw Even’s face. “Sorry. You caught me off guard. Startling someone who is holding an axe is generally a bad move, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even just pointed at the chicks. Their feather coat was blending in the saw dust and dirt really well. Isak looked at what Even was pointing at and hurriedly laid the axe on its side on top of the log.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck! Idiots! Do you want to get hit by chopped wood?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak shooed the chicks away with his feet. He didn’t touch the animals, only guided them to move, and they were stubborn little things. One of them tried to unlace Isak’s shoe. Isak cussed under his breath and stood there, his foot up in the air, careful to not hurt the feathery little thing at his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even couldn’t help it. He giggled. It was an outlet for his nervousness and how scared he had been and how vaguely ashamed Isak yelling at him had made him feel. It was just a shroud of mist, cool against the skin, and it dissolved quickly, but the memory of its touch lingered for a bit. Isak looked at him from under his brow, and the cool, wet film was dried off Even’s skin by the warm spark in those green eyes. Isak was happy that Even was here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any help?” Isak asked. Even cocked his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t handle a chicken?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m clearly outnumbered.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was definitely a smile. Isak seemed more relaxed, in general. It was like he had a weight lifted from his shoulders. Even thought about the video he didn’t watch, but let that thought pass. It didn’t matter. Isak was lighter, and happier, and that was the important bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course”, Even said, returning the smile. He walked to Isak and reached down to either grab the chick or make it move out of his hand’s way. It worked. Isak could lower his foot back down, and together they herded the chickens to the other side of the yard. Even hurried to grab a handful of saw dust for the chicks to examine. He stayed hanging out there, between the chopping block and the chickens, but he didn’t even try to pretend he was watching the animals.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was watching Isak. He would never get tired of watching Isak. The man worked like a machine. The axe was raised and then brought down, the wood got split into smaller pieces, strike by strike. There was nothing unnecessary in Isak’s motions. He was focused, and efficient, and hot as Hell itself. He was starting to work up a sweat, and his shirt clung to his chest and back, and Even was on the brink of actually drooling. He wiped the corners of his mouth quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Slut.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Even turned quickly away from Isak. Quickly enough to make Claire ruffle her wings. Pedro glared at him. Even muttered an apology and wiped his mouth again, like trying to erase. He was overreacting. Isak looked good. He looked especially good right now. It was okay for Even to like what he was seeing. It made him not want to wait until they were ready, but what he wanted and what he did were different things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The steady rhythm of the wood chopping helped Even focus. It was summer. He was here as Isak’s guest, as his - at least somewhat - equal, and he didn’t need to fear for anything. Not even himself. He was full of emotions and mess, but he was in balance. He wasn’t sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Axe strike by strike Even calmed down. He hesitated to look at Isak again, perfectly aware that Isak kept simply getting hotter as he worked, but when the chopping sounds stopped he had to look. Just a little peek, he promised himself, and turned his head just in time to see Isak walk towards him while taking his shirt off. His muscles were pumped by the workout, and Even almost inhaled his saliva and choked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Even peeped. Isak pulled the shirt over his head and arched his brow at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got sweaty. I’m going to rinse it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even bit on the inside of his cheek. He was being ridiculous. But Isak didn’t need to take his shirt off before reaching the sauna. Actually by doing that he was luring the mosquitos. What was his motivation? Did he have any? Isak walked past him, up the path, and Even couldn’t follow him because he couldn’t feel his legs.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Isak had returned from the sauna with the towel over his shoulders, covering his torso. Even had appreciated the glimpses of his abs and belly button, but he had pretended he didn’t watch. He had kept doing that for the rest of the day. Isak had put on a shirt, and stacked the firewood he had chopped to dry, while Even had just been hanging out. Isak hadn’t seemed to mind the silence, so Even hadn’t broken it. All day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the sun moved behind the trees Even took his notebook and a pencil and sat down on the steps to sketch Buttercup. She was a better poser than the chickens. She moved around much less. Even had brought his camera too, and he had planned for a proper photo shoot with the flock, but for now Buttercup was going to serve as his subject. Focusing on getting the curve of her horns just right kept Even’s mind busy enough. He didn’t have to actively push away thoughts of Isak and what he wanted Isak to do to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even had just perfected the right horn when Isak was suddenly right in front of him. He blushed, immediately, and gave Isak a glance so quick he barely registered the man at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stepped a bit closer still. Even could smell him. Sunshine. Clean air. Pine trees. Saw dust. Honest work. He raised the tip of his pencil to his lips just to sniff at the crappy excuse of an eraser. He nibbled at it a little bit, because he didn’t understand what was good for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your turn to cook. Make us some pasta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even blinked slowly. Isak wanted him to cook? Pasta?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You hate the pasta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s food. I’m not that picky, and I could use the carbs anyway. Besides, that’s within your skill level of outdoor cooking, right? Boiling a pot of water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even wasn’t sure if he was being disrespected or not. He had to look at Isak’s face to find out. He saw a challenge. Isak wasn’t being serious, not completely, he was. Playful? Even must have been making that up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Yeah, sure, I think I can manage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak smiled. Just a little bit. He didn’t show his teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know where I keep the pots.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded slowly. He put the pencil and the notebook down and got up. That made him stand so close to Isak. Their bodies were almost touching. Even’s heart was racing. Isak nodded past him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t leave those there, Buttercup will eat them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, no! He was an idiot! Pencils were not appropriate for goats to consume! What if it punctured something in her mouth? Even hurried to pick up his things so fast that he almost knocked Isak over by pushing him with his ass. Isak stumbled back a couple of steps, but he didn’t fall over. Even tried to help him, to grab him, but he was already holding the notebook and managed to only drop it on his own foot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even noticed his hands were shaking only when Isak grabbed his wrists. His grip was gentle but firm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy”, Isak said. He was speaking softly again, like he spoke to the animals, and Even was embarrassed by how much he liked it. How much he craved to be taken care of by Isak. How much he craved many things right now. Isak pulled downwards and Even leaned in, against Isak’s chest. He buried his face against the side of Isak’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was okay. He was here. He had come back, and Isak had welcomed him. Even closed his eyes and simply stood there for a moment, drawing strength from Isak. It felt like Isak had so much of it to give. He was sturdy and steady and warm, like a beach rock after a day of sunshine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak let go of Even’s hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to feed us now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. His cheek rubbed against Isak’s shoulder. He lifted his head slowly, and nodded again. Isak nodded, too, stepped back and picked up the notebook and the pencil. He handed them over to Even, and his fingers touched Even’s fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay”, Isak said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you”, Even sighed. He took his things inside and left them on the table. He poured some water from the canister into a pot and carried it outside. Isak was waiting for him by the outdoor kitchen. He let Even try and remember the steps himself, and when the blue flame huffed up from the burner Even felt something that resembled pride. He adjusted the flame as Isak instructed him, and now that he was making dinner he realized he was starving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need more water”, Even said. “Would you bring the canister? I’m watching the pot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you watch it, it won’t boil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I don’t watch it, the cabin might burn down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak chuckled. He touched Even’s back, right between his shoulder blades.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do have a history of attempted arson. I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even listened to Isak’s steps walk away. He took a deep breath and blew it out, hard. It was good that Isak was relaxing around him, but it made him think about things he shouldn’t have been thinking about. Not this soon. Isak was just so. Tempting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak returned with the water and Even doubled the amount in the pot. He needed to make two pots for himself, and given how hard Isak had been working today, he probably needed two as well. He needed the carbs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even kept his eyes on the pot, and still it miraculously boiled. When it did, he turned off the flame and the gas, and took the pot inside with him. He tore open four cups of cheese pasta, poured the water in and stirred. He was pleased to notice he had boiled almost exactly the right amount of water. There was only a couple of spoonfuls extra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we eat outside or in here?” Isak asked. Even shrugged. He was too hungry to care. And that made him worried. If he didn’t watch it, he might forget to eat altogether, and that wasn’t going to do him any favours. He had to take care of his body, in order to take care of his mind. Eat regularly, sleep enough, exercise every now and then. Routines. Coming here, disrupting Isak’s routines and not having any of his own yet, had its dangers. Even had gone insane here once before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These things get hot”, Isak stated. “It’ll be easier to have a table for them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak pulled himself a chair and sat down. Even got them spoons and sat down as well, on the other side of the table. The pasta tasted very, very inferior to the soup they had eaten yesterday. But it was food. They both needed to eat, and they did. They ate in silence, focused on feeding their famished bodies. When they were done, Isak took their spoons and dropped them in the pot. He held the empty pasta cups in his hands, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We probably shouldn’t burn these.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even had no idea. Isak shrugged, and gathered the cups in the pot as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll give them a wash. Could you clear the table meanwhile?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even frowned. Then he blushed. He wanted to ask why, but he was scared of the answer. It was bound to either make him die of horny, or embarrass him to death for his stupid horny false assumptions. There was no way for him to win. He watched Isak leave the cabin, then stared at the table for a bit, and finally forced himself into action. He cleared the table by just stacking everything on a chair, because his head was full of white noise and he couldn’t think.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Isak came back. The white noise turned into warmth that splashed down Even’s body. It made his stomach heavy and his legs shaky. Isak was so determined, and so full of purpose, and walking so </span>
  <em>
    <span>to him</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Even couldn’t really take it all in. Isak slipped between Even and the table, and sat down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What -- what are you doing?” Even managed to whisper. Isak looked so calm. How could he be so calm right now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Getting a mole inspection”, Isak said. Then he pulled his shirt over his head. He said something else, but Even couldn’t hear him over the rush of blood in his veins.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even stared at Isak, speechless. Isak let him. He leaned back on his hands to be looked at by Even. He seemed calm. Sure of himself. Like he knew what he was doing. It was so tempting to surrender to that. Follow Isak’s lead. Isak wasn’t a slut, and if Even just did whatever Isak did, how could he be one, either?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because. Just because.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On the table?” Even managed to ask. Isak nodded firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a good height, and the best light we have indoors. I’m not stripping naked outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Naked.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even licked his lips slowly. Was this a test? Was Isak teasing him? That’s what he was doing earlier, wasn’t it, with the wood chopping thing. Isak was doing his best to make Even lust for him. It just didn’t sound like something Isak would do. It didn’t make any sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak lied down and eased his pants over his hips. He squirmed them past his ass, and looked at Even expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even had lost all feeling in his body. He still managed to, somehow, pull Isak’s pants all the way down. He dropped them on the floor at his feet. Isak turned and lifted his legs up, and scooted up so that his hair was touching the window at the end of the table. There he was, naked, spread out, and beautiful. Even didn’t know what to do. Isak looked up at him, smiling, calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I --” Even had no idea how to continue. He didn’t trust his voice. He could barely trust his legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moles, Even. Make sure you won’t miss any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. It was surprisingly helpful to have an objective. A mission, instructions to follow. He sat down on a chair because his knees had gone soft, and leaned in. He started with Isak’s hand. He took it in his hands and lifted it up, closer to his eyes. There was a tiny mole on Isak’s wrist. It was small, sharp edged and light brown, even in colour. Nothing alarming there, apart from how much Even wanted to suck Isak’s index finger into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even moved slowly up the arm. He checked both sides, and every inch of skin, carefully. Focusing on the tanned surface was calming. Isak’s elbow was a bit dry, but mole free. This was good. Looking at only a little bit of Isak at the time made it manageable. Even wasn’t so overwhelmed. He ran his fingertips along Isak’s skin with his gaze, barely touching, and Isak just lied there, breathing slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Even ran out of arm and arrived to the shoulder things got a bit trickier. There were so many pretty bits around there. Isak’s collarbone. His shoulder line. The hollow between the tips of the collarbones. The line between Isak’s pecks. Even’s hands were shaking now, just a little, but Isak probably noticed. If he did, he didn’t say anything. Even glanced at Isak’s face quickly. His eyes were closed. He was almost smiling. The smile rippled just beneath the surface, like a warm glow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stop”, Isak hummed. Even blushed. He had intended to only take a quick peek at Isak’s face, but apparently he had taken longer than he thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even reached over Isak and pulled his other arm up for inspection. He took his time with it, but eventually he was done with it and had to continue down Isak’s chest. It wasn’t exactly unpleasant, quite to the contrary, but it was intense. Even kept going, down, and bit on his bottom lip when he zoomed in on Isak’s nipples. They were hard. They were tempting. Even wanted to touch them, and kiss them, and bite them gently until Isak moaned out loud, but he couldn’t let himself do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak shifted. Even was so close he heard the sound Isak’s skin made as the table let go of it slowly. He was jealous of a piece of furniture. That was so stupid. But the table was getting exactly what Even wanted so much he could taste it - it got to touch Isak. Even grabbed his own lips with his fingertips and pinched gently as he slid past Isak’s abs. This man was so beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even decided to skip the hips for now. He moved to the end of the table, to Isak’s feet. Isak hummed again. He sounded amused. Even dismissed that. He did his best to focus on Isak’s skin again, little bit of it at a time, trying really hard to ignore what he kept seeing at the edge of his vision. He tried to make Isak’s legs last, but long as they were, they ran out eventually. There being two of them helped, but not enough. Even stared at the tip of Isak’s hip bone and the harmless mole on it intently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You missed a spot”, Isak said. Even swallowed. He knew. He knew the spot he had missed, he was painfully aware of it. Isak’s dick. His beautiful hard dick Even had avoided looking directly at all this time. He looked at Isak’s face instead, and Isak sat up. He placed his hands on Even’s cheeks, pulled him closer and kissed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even kissed him back. He kissed him hard, and desperate, and lost, and drowning. He wanted to kiss Isak so much that he almost couldn’t do it when he got the chance. Isak could taste it, or feel Even shaking. Either way, he stopped kissing and pulled back, looking at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even bit his lip. Isak’s eyes were so gentle. There was so much love inside this man, hidden somewhere deep down. Or Even imagined it. That was entirely possible. He was so good at making up stories he wanted to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you so much”, Even confessed. “But we’re not ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak cocked his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even shook his head. He was feeling miserable, and a bit lost, and horny out of his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re where we were last time.” Last time they hadn’t been ready. They had been raw and hurt and not in love, and they still weren’t in love, except Even was, but that didn’t matter as long as Isak didn’t love him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak sighed. Patiently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to fuck you on this table. How about you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even had to nod. Anything else would have been a lie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean right now”, Isak clarified. Even nodded again. Yes. He wanted to, right now, but. Isak touched his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we waiting for, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not waiting for anything, I just -- I don’t want to be a slut.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak held back his chuckle. Even appreciated his efforts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t mention sleeping with anyone in your letters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even’s heart was racing. Isak had read his stupid letters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t. Sleep with anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded, humming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, either you’re not a slut, or very bad at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even laughed. He knew he wasn’t supposed to. He just felt so good with Isak. At ease. It was a weird feeling, given how much not at ease Isak had made him feel ever since he pulled Even out of his crashed car. Isak looked at him differently now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can heat up the sauna if that’s more comfortable to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wave of warmth rushed through Even’s body when he realized it. Isak had been doing his best to make Even comfortable. He had catered to Even, instead of just doing his own thing. Especially since he had returned from the fishing trip. Isak might not have been in love with him, but he cared about him. There was a difference, after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s. Fine.” Even placed his hand on Isak’s thigh. It was warm, and smooth, and free of any suspicious moles. “Just take me to bed.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Isak pressed his naked body against Even. While Even was sorry he couldn’t feel all that skin immediately with his clothes in the way, they also made Isak feel so -- bare. In the daylight that kept flooding in through the windows despite it being evening already, in his unashamed nudity, Isak was beautiful and tangible and still frail in a way that reminded Even of the photo he had fallen in love with. That love hadn’t been real, it hadn’t been based on anything Even hadn’t created himself in his deranged head, but now that Isak was actually here, his lips brushing at the side of Even’s neck, the only word Even could describe this all was exactly that: real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even raised his frightened fingers on Isak’s shoulders. They were strong. They could carry the world if need be. They could carry Even if Isak wanted to, and right now Even was able to believe he did. Isak wanted to take care of him, to carry him. Isak flicked his tongue along Even’s skin and Even grabbed his shoulders tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay”, Isak mumbled right next to Even’s ear. His breath felt hot. He slipped his fingertips under the collar of Even’s shirt. “Come to bed with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even knew he was being ridiculous. He should have dragged Isak with him already, and here he still stood, fully dressed. Almost shaking. Isak gave a lingering kiss on the hinge of his jaw, then under his ear. He eased his hands lower along  Even’s back and grabbed the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up slowly, constantly distracting Even with his kisses and soft hums, patiently. Even barely noticed it was happening when his shirt already landed on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak took advantage of Even’s temporary blindness when his shirt was covering his face, and leaned in. He kissed Even, hard and hungry, and Even wanted everything that kiss promised and more. Isak wrapped his arms tightly around Even and stepped back, pulling him along, and Even followed, unable to break the kiss. He had asked Isak to take him to bed. He still wanted him to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak turned them around before they reached the bed. He was pushing instead of pulling now, and he did that equally gently. He guided Even down on the bed, to sit on its edge, and when Even was down Isak kept going. He knelt on the floor between Even’s legs, and the hunger gripped Even’s belly tightly. He lifted his hips so Isak could pull his pants off, and being bare and vulnerable like this in front of Isak wasn’t scary at all, because Isak was on his knees in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was right. They were ready. Isak had made sure they were ready. He saw Even, and what he needed, and he made sure Even received that. Isak kissed Even’s inner thigh right above his knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lie down. Relax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even laughed softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can lie down, but I can’t relax.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded slowly. He thought about it for a second, then he leaned on Even’s knees and pushed his body up along Even’s. He kept pushing until Even was on his back on the bed, and Isak was on top of him, and they kissed again. Isak’s hard dick pressed against Even’s stomach, and his own dick was getting hard right next to it. His body was definitely ready for this, for anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak kept kissing Even until Even relaxed. Or he didn’t actually relax, but he gave in to this. His body locked with Isak’s, in its place, their movements melted into one. Isak’s body pinned Even’s down, but it didn’t feel like being captive. Even was there willingly, and the more Isak kissed him, the more at ease with the idea Even was getting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was okay to want this. He might not feel like it afterward, but right now he did, and this moment was all he had anyway. He could enjoy it. He was allowed to. The sheets smelled like Isak, and Isak smelled like Isak, and that was Even’s favourite smell in the world. He inhaled deeply, and when Isak turned his kisses from Even’s lips to the side of his neck he inhaled sharply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to get inside you”, Isak said softly. Even couldn’t help it, he moaned. Or gasped, or both at the same time. He wanted Isak inside him, right this minute, immediately, please, yes, please.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought lube”, Even said, because he was an idiot. Of course Isak had lube as well, or he would have asked if Even brought any. He wouldn’t have brought up getting inside Even if he wasn’t prepared. Isak chuckled. He was in such a good mood, it was really nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Would be a shame to run out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t. I brought like three litres.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Isak laughed. It made Even blush, but not feel ashamed. He trusted Isak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good to know. I’ll be right back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak kissed Even two more times and pushed himself up from the bed. Even crawled in the right way round, so that his legs fit on the bed as well. It was more comfortable. He kept his eys closed and just listened to Isak’s movements, when he opened the cupboard and closed it and walked back to the bed. The bed creaked as Isak lied down next to Even. He stroked at Even’s body in long gentle strokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax”, Isak reminded. Even opened his eyes and looked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just take me.” Even spread his legs. He saw the hunger in Isak’s eyes. He felt something similar himself, only more quiet. Isak rested his cheek on Even’s chest and reached down, to touch Even. It made Even jump. This was so -- much. It felt like his first time all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak pressed tiny kisses on Even’s skin. He stroked at Even’s inner thigh, higher and higher with every move, and as his fingers finally wrapped around Even’s dick Even shuddered in pleasure. He was happy Isak didn’t ask him to relax again. He couldn’t relax now, it simply wasn’t possible. It didn’t matter, either. He wasn’t relaxed, but he was comfortable, and safe, and full of need which was getting more desperate by the second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please”, Even gasped. He spread his legs further. Isak got the hint and cracked the cap of the lube open. He sniffed it and nodded. Even’s legs were shaking a bit. It had been a while. About six months. Even didn’t want to think about it now, he pushed the thought decisively to the side and slipped his fingers into Isak’s hair. He guided Isak’s head so they could kiss again. He muttered it on Isak’s mouth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak bit Even’s bottom lip gently at the same time as he pushed his finger inside. Even gasped sharply. Isak had been generous with the lube, he could feel the slick wetness, but it still stung a bit. It didn’t hurt for long. His body was ready, it accepted Isak’s invasion, and took pleasure in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?” Isak hummed. Even nodded. It was good. It felt so good, better than he had expected or remembered. He definitely had a kink, and that kink was Isak Valtersen. His beautiful body. His mysterious eyes. His long fingers, working their magic inside him. Preparing him. Pleasuring him. Isak bent his fingers a bit, searching, but Even shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just get me ready and take me”, Even begged. Isak’s fingers felt good, and they could have felt incredible, but he didn’t want them now. Right now he wanted Isak’s dick. He wanted to be taken, completely, conquered and owned by this man. Desperately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak did as he was asked. He wasn’t doing any tricks anymore, he was just preparing Even’s body. Even did his best to assist with that. He relaxed as much as he could. He spread his legs further. Finally Isak pulled his hand back. He turned on his knees, and Even swung his leg over him. He watched, biting his lip, as Isak spread lube on his dick. It looked so big. It was going to be inside Even now, all of it, and Even wanted it so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first push was slow and thorough. Isak pushed as far as he could enter, taking his time, and Even whimpered all the way through it. He clung to Isak’s shoulders and pulled his knees up to make room, to help Isak get in deeper, every last bit of him. Even took it all. It felt so good. Even opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but not a sound came out. His lips just formed the words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Take me. Take me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak took him. He pulled back and pushed in again, and again, and again, and as Even’s body succumbed to the thrusts they got harder. Even found his voice once more. It came out from the back of his throat, from deep inside his chest, forced out in low moans by each time Isak slid inside him. Even wrapped his leg around Isak’s waist and tried to pull him closer still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even could feel Isak was getting close. His pushes were hastier, his breathing fast and focused, he was chasing a climax. Even was going to make him come. Soon. He kept looking at Isak, at his beautiful face, and wrapped his leg tighter around the man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come inside me”, he whispered. It made Isak’s shoulders tense up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” Isak groaned, and he came. Even felt it inside him. He gasped softly, through a filthiest smile. Isak slipped out and crawled next to him, and it took him less than ten strokes to make Even come all over his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak rested his head on Even’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed this”, he said, so quietly that Even couldn’t be sure if he only imagined it.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The heat seemed to have settled directly over the cabin. It had been almost a week now, a week of scorching sun and barely any wind. The sky was so bright blue that looking at it made Even’s eyes water. It got easier to look at in the darkest hours of the night, but those hours were too short to really bring any comfort. They barely slept at all, in part because they had problems keeping their hands off of each other, but mostly because of the stifling heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak grunted quietly and rolled over on his back. Even was lying next to him, his skin still damp with sweat he had worked up with Isak minutes earlier. Even’s medication made him fall asleep eventually, but he wasn’t sure about Isak. He was starting to get a bit worried. Isak hadn’t said anything, but Even knew he had disrupted Isak’s routines. He had changed Isak’s life, and that was a fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even reached out his hand and brushed at Isak's collarbone with his fingertips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want me to give you another dopamine shot?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was stunned silent for a second. Then he sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even ran his fingers down Isak’s chest. Gently, barely touching, it was so hot that unnecessary contact was really unwelcomed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My jaw is a bit strained at the moment, but I could give you a decent hand job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak laughed. There was a hint of disbelief in it. Even kind of liked it. It was becoming a thing, an inside joke, how unbelievable to Isak Even could be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not strained enough to keep you from talking, hm?” Even heard Isak’s smile better than he could see it. It was sort of dark in here, and that smile was really loud. “No, I’m good. It’s too hot anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The same pattern repeated. The stunned silence, the slight chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re impossible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence. Not stunned this time, no, much deeper. Darker. Even held his breath. He had tried to be good, he had done his best to not ask Isak for validation of any kind, because he didn’t have to hear it when he could see it daily. He saw it in the way Isak made room for Even’s things in the cupboard. Or in the gentleness of Isak washing his hair for him. Or how he asked Even to collect the eggs every morning, knowing Even loved it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never mind”, Even whispered when he finally had to take a breath. He rubbed his cheekbone against Isak’s shoulder. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Isak sighed. He pushed his fingers through his hair and cussed under his breath. “No, you’re right. I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even felt like an idiot for reacting like this. His heart was racing, his body was light as a feather and his eyes must have been shining bright enough to hurt Isak’s eyes. He had kept telling himself he was okay with Isak’s way of showing he cared, but the way his whole being, his very soul, ignited when Isak actually said those words? It was too strong to ignore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop. Please, stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak turned to look at Even, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even bit on the inside of his bottom lip. He was an idiot. He really, really was an idiot, but he had to do this. It was only going to get worse by waiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you can’t keep telling me things like that you shouldn’t start saying them at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak’s confusion got stronger. Even couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t making sense. He was really trying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just told me you like me, and it made me so happy. Too happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak’s eyebrows were melding into one. Even wanted to stroke them until they smoothed out, but he knew better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can convince myself I don’t need to hear it. But I can’t do that if you feed me crumbs. You can either say it a lot, or not at all, but not just once in a blue moon.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say what?” Isak seemed like he really didn’t understand. Even was struggling with getting the words out of himself. He had to trust Isak, he had to trust </span>
  <em>
    <span>them,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he did, he just needed Isak’s help. He had to tell Isak now, before he got cold feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That you love me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did not mean to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>that.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He watched the shock make Isak’s face pale, and he felt his own blood draw away, and he couldn’t stop talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I barely know you. You probably know me even less. But I love you, and I want you to -- no, I need you to love me, and if you don’t think you ever will, maybe we should end this right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak stared at him. Even wanted to keep talking, but by some miracle he was quiet. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at the words hanging above their heads like a sword, from the thinnest thread. His own words, which he couldn’t - nor wanted to - unspeak. He loved Isak. He loved Isak through the heavy thick suffocating blanket of this silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No”, Isak finally said. Even’s heart kind of imploded, leaving his chest hollow. It made breathing a chore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Even barely managed to peep. He was helpless, watching the final numbers count down on a bomb he had set up himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even couldn’t look at Isak. Or, to be accurate, he couldn’t let Isak look at him. He turned his back to the man, curling up inside a blanket, despite the heat. He blinked slowly, trying to keep the water in his eyes. Crying now would have been the worst thing he could do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. The second worst. But it was too late now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak didn’t move. He didn’t speak. Even heard him breathe, and could feel his presence. It was soothing, even now. It was too hot to fall asleep in his blanket burrito, but still Even was about to drift off. He couldn’t help it, he was medicated. He pressed the tip of his fingers with his thumbnail one by one, over and over again, to keep himself awake. It was increasingly difficult. He knew he was going to sleep so badly, probably waking up more than once, and he didn’t want to fall asleep on what had just happened, but he couldn’t hang on for much longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even jumped a bit when he felt Isak leave the bed. He had fallen asleep, fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, it’s the pills”, he pleaded. It didn’t stop Isak. He got up on his feet. Even’s head was so heavy. He couldn’t think. His brain wasn’t working anymore, it had already shut down. His heart was somewhat back in the game, at least. It pushed the words out of his mouth. “Where are you going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To the sauna. It’s so fucking hot, I need a rinse. You coming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, what? Coming? Even nodded, and rolled over, but that made him just more tangled with the blanket. He was coming, yes, he was, if he was coming it meant Isak wasn’t leaving him, because he was with Isak, despite all the </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the world. Even tried shaking his head, but it didn’t clear his thoughts one bit. It did however startle him awake again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait”, he mumbled. He tried to open his eyes, but wasn’t sure if he had managed to. Sleep was embracing him too tightly, he couldn’t tell if Isak was really there, or already gone, he didn’t know what he saw or whether it was real. He wasn’t panicked about it, or worried, there was no need. He was half asleep, because he had taken his pills like a good boy, and that was his last semi-conscious thought before succumbing to sleep. He was a good boy.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Even woke up bathing in sweat. He had to struggle his way out of the cocoon of blanket he had wrapped around himself. He had plenty of room to squirm around. He was alone in the bed. He had no idea where Isak was, but a week of living here had given him enough peace to keep him from diving head first into a full blown panic. No, the panic was just simmering on the back burner, slowly approaching a rolling boil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing Even checked was the cars. He saw them both through the window. If Isak had left, he hadn’t gone far, right? It was too hot for a hike, wasn’t it? Then again, if someone was spiteful enough to trek through the heat wave it was Isak Valtersen. Even didn’t care he was naked. He cared a bit that he wasn’t bug sprayed, but the heat had warded off most of the mosquitos. He could handle a bit of sun without sun screen. He was fine. He hurried outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buttercup jogged to meet Even. She searched Even’s hands eagerly, but for nothing. Even gave her a little pat on the head while looking around the yard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry girl, no treats right now. I’ll make it up to you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buttercup had already lost her interest and walked past Even to seek some shade. She was smarter than him. That didn’t surprise anyone. Not Even, at least, and probably not Isak, either. Even hurried to check the kitchen around the corner. No Isak, and no breakfast. He didn’t have an appetite anyway. He more ran than walked to the path leading to the sauna, and there he froze mid-step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t wearing a shirt. He was up to his elbows in soapy suds, and some had splashed on his chest and stomach, and Even almost cracked his molars from clenching his jaw in thirst at the sight. Fuck. He was suddenly very aware of his own nudity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took Even a couple of seconds to register what Isak was doing. His mind let go, reluctantly, of Isak’s appearance and tried to understand what was going on. Isak was sitting on a piece of log by a huge plastic tub. It was big enough for either of them to bathe in. Maybe both of them, actually, and now Even had to press at the hinge of his jaw with his fingers to release the hold. Focus! What’s in the tub, Even?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Water. Suds. Cloth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you doing laundry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak raised his eyes from his work, and what had started as a quick glance turned into a stare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you naked?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. He was. Very naked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you left.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak turned his eyes back down and continued scrubbing. There was a tightness around the corners of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded again. In vain, since Isak wasn’t looking at him. Right. Isak knew. Even was many things, but subtle and unpredictable he was not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fell asleep. My meds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was scrubbing vigorously. Maybe there was a stubborn stain. Even couldn’t turn his eyes away from him, but he couldn’t approach him, either. He blinked furiously. The sun was hurting his eyes. Making them water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to be.” Isak lifted up the shirt he was washing. Even recognised it as one of his. Isak looked at it closer for a bit, then pushed it back into the tub.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isak, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even considered dropping on his knees. It wasn’t necessary. He was here, raw, bare, naked, Isak knew he was begging.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get dressed and come help me.” Isak was speaking calmly, but Even could tell he wasn’t as peaceful as he seemed. He had been looking at Isak so closely and so much, that he knew how to read that face. That beautiful face. Isak wasn’t at peace, but he wasn’t kidding, either. “Don’t forget the sun screen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. He didn’t know what to do, so he chose to obey. At least he didn’t have to think. He didn’t have to some up with a plan. All he had to do was return to the cabin, and get dressed, and spread some lotion on the bits his clothes weren’t covering. He considered going shirtless, but he couldn’t reach his whole back by himself. A t-shirt with the sleeves and collar cut off it was. And a pair of denim shorts, the legs cut short enough to bare at least two thirds of his thighs. He could get dressed, but he didn’t have to get dressed-dressed. He could play games too. Even tied the hem of the shirt into a knot, nodded to himself and exited the cabin with his head held high.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His attire had the desired and expected effect. Isak looked up when he was approaching, and his eyes got caught on Even. He took his time. He let Isak look. He had been generous with the sun screen, so his skin had a nice shine to it now. He couldn’t make Isak love him, but he could make Isak want him. He could pretend that was enough for him, for now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked down when Even arrived to him. The back of his neck was glowing red. Could have been from the sun. Even decided it wasn’t. He liked the sense of power he was feeling now. He had something Isak wanted, and that gave him power.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want me to do?” Even asked, his voice a bit lower than normal. He spoke just a bit slower, as well. He let his words wrap around Isak’s ankle and slither their way up. Isak nodded at the tub.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scrub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, did you say rub?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak took a long breath in through his nose. His shoulders were tense. Even lowered his fingertips on them, both hands. He felt the muscles a bit. They were like rocks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean you could clearly use one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even almost didn’t. He had to order himself to pull his hands away. He didn’t step back. He just stood there, waiting, trying hard to not feel ridiculous in his little outfit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waited for a long time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to help or not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even looked around. He saw a log by the wall of the sauna. He walked to it, picked it up and carried it to the tub. He set it down on the ground, took a seat and leaned over the tub. He sank his hands into the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They worked side by side in silence. The sun was burning above them. Even didn’t really know what he was doing, but he did his best to copy Isak’s motions. Take a shirt, scrub it, swirl it around, scrub some more, repeat and repeat and repeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak took a breath. Even held his. For as long as he could. But Isak didn’t say anything after all.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Half an hour later Even’s shoulders were aching and his hands were raw. He needed a break, but Isak seemed just fine. Even had no idea if he was simply showing off, or challenging Even, or if he was just used to manual labour. It didn’t matter, Even still needed to stretch his legs for a bit. He got up, with a grunt, and pulled his back straight slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go get a bottle of water”, Even said. Isak didn’t say anything. Even took his time walking down the path, hoping he wasn’t only imagining Isak’s eyes on his back. He knew he was looking rather fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chicks gathered at his feet. Even hummed soothingly at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, babies. Daddy and uncle are just having a little argument. It’s going to be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now all Even had to do was to believe in his own words. It was going to be fine, right? He could do this. He wanted to do this, he did, he wanted to stay here and love Isak and all Isak had to do was let him. That wasn’t too much to ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The truth was Even was asking for so much more. He wasn’t only asking, he was begging, he was screaming his need like a newborn, and if Isak got tired of the noise Even couldn’t really blame him. Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay. Even needed to calm down. He walked carefully through the flock of tiny chickens and then up the steps to the porch. He got the water bottle from the table. It still had a mouthful left. It was enough for him to take his pills with. He had forgotten them in the hassle, but it wasn’t too late yet. One of them got stuck on his tongue and he had to spit it out. He shoved it in the pocket of his shorts, the sun screen bottle in the other pocket, and headed for the well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have brought a whole bucket while he was at it, but it was too late to turn back now. He was on a schedule. He needed more sun screen soon, and Isak needed it desperately. They would need to refill the tub before rinsing the clothes anyway, this was just a quick extra trip for some refreshments. The water in the well was always nice and cool, even in this heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even moved the stones weighing the lid down and raised the lid. Isak had underlined the importance of the lid and the stones at least a hundred times. The lid was there to keep the animals from falling inside and ruining the water. The stones were there to make sure the lid stayed closed. Even understood. He didn’t want any poor creature to fall in and drown, even if it didn’t spoil the well. Every time he opened the lid he was a tiny bit scared to see something floating on the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even peeked in cautiously. The dark surface stared up at him, glistening and deep. No animals, only a couple of pine needles which had fallen through the cracks. The water level had lowered a bit, but there was still plenty. Isak had said it took a couple of months of no rain for the well to dry up. They weren’t even close to the need to ration their supply. That was good. Even liked bathing in the sauna. It was one of the rare luxuries in here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even lowered the pail and pulled it up. He sank the bottle in the pail instead of trying to pour the water in. Isak had let him try it way too many times before showing him how to do this properly. The memory of the wicked shade in Isak’s grin back then made Even smile a bit. There was a playful side to Isak Valtersen, and Even had managed to bring it out a couple of times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After quenching his thirst first Even refilled the bottle and poured the rest of the water under the trees. It ran in tiny little streams along the dry ground, pulling up some tree needles with it like logs down a river. The sun dried up more water than the earth could soak in. Even had better get a move on it before Isak got blisters or something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even handed the water bottle over to Isak. He made sure Isak didn’t have any water in his mouth and then squirted some sun screen lotion on his back. Isak yelped, and jumped, and spun around, but Even just squirted some on his chest too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For someone who has been taking care of himself for years you are shit at it”, Even said. “Rub.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even grabbed Isak’s shoulder firmly and turned him back around. He spread the lotion on Isak’s back. His skin was already a bit red, and it felt hot to the touch. Even did his best to be careful, in case it was sore as well. He was angry at Isak, but didn’t want to hurt him. He added some lotion for the lower back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do the front too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was jolted into motion. He rubbed the cream on his chest, haphazardly. It would have to do. At least the sun was more on their backs anyway. Even made sure he didn’t miss a spot. He made sure he touched Isak carefully. When he was done he shoved the lotion in Isak’s hand, sat down on his log and got back to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t take too long, I need some too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even focused as hard as he could. He concentrated in the laundry, avoiding looking at Isak even through the corner of his eye. He did his best to remain calm, and it was hard enough without watching Isak. The sun glared in the tub, shooting up reflections bright enough to burn Even’s eyes, and he had to close them for a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He snapped them open when Isak touched his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No”, Isak said quietly. His was using his animal voice. The soothing, calming one. Simply hearing it made Even so relieved he was suddenly willing to do anything Isak asked. He closed his eyes again. Isak took his hand and pulled it out towards himself. Even let him. The sudden coolness of the lotion made the back of his neck shiver. Isak’s fingers rubbing it gently into his arm made him sigh softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was careful and gentle. He went through Even’s whole arm from the tips of his fingers all the way up to the shoulder. Even sat there, with his eyes closed, and let Isak speak to him through his actions. He was listening. He really was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Isak was done with one hand he placed it on Even’s knee and picked up the other one. He handled it just as carefully as the first one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t agree to your terms”, Isak said. His hands kept working, and Even did his best to focus on them. To stay here, to keep calm, to let Isak speak now that he finally was speaking. He had to fight his first instinct to drop down at Isak’s feet and grovel in gratitude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will not accept your offer. All or nothing. I don’t want either.” Isak finished the fingers and hand, and moved up past the wrist. “I have learned to take one day at a time. I can plan for the future, and prepare for the worst, but I can’t control the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak chuckled suddenly. The sound felt warm and smooth, like honey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, one day I could be driving home from the city and run into someone who needs my help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded before he could stop himself. He hoped Isak didn’t mind. At least Isak kept rubbing his skin. He passed the elbow now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then one day I might notice I’m kind of glad that happened.” Isak paused again. Fuck, it was hard to listen to him, it was like pulling every word out with a pair of pliers. It felt like pulling teeth. “I know you need more than what you’re getting, but either you love </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> like you claim - or you love the idea of someone who you think I should be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even’s arm was done. He heard Isak move. Isak got on his knees on the ground and pulled Even’s foot in his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s the case, we will both be disappointed, and you probably should leave rather sooner than later. But I don’t think it is so. I have noticed you care about me. In a way that fits my needs instead of yours.” Isak’s touches travelled up Even’s leg. They were soothing, and grounding, and made it easier for Even to listen to Isak’s words. “I hope you have noticed something similar as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have.” Even spoke quietly and quickly, a bit afraid that he wasn’t allowed to. That he was breaking a rule by speaking. Isak didn’t seem to mind. At least he kept going. He squirted some sun screen on Even’s thigh, right above his knee, and rubbed it in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can do better”, Isak said. “I can try harder. I must admit that much. I haven’t made all the effort I’m able to make. This is me making that effort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I open my eyes?” Even asked. He had to wait for an answer for a bit. At least it was a yes, or a grunt that could be interpreted as one. He opened his eyes and looked at Isak. Isak didn’t look back. He was very intensely focused on Even’s inner thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did that </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> mean? Last night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak bit his lip. Then he shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, I declined your offer. I probably should make a counter offer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we doing business now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak shrugged, with one shoulder. He finished the leg and moved on to the other one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a metaphor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With a man of as few words as you nothing is </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything.” Even held his breath. Everything was still tipped off balance so easily. He had promised himself, and made Isak promise too, that he didn’t have to watch himself or Isak. That he could just be. Now it felt like a tough one to keep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I don’t talk much, but that doesn’t mean I actually put thought into my words. Not all the time, at least. I must admit I prepared a speech, up to the point where you opened your eyes.” Isak looked up. It almost knocked all the air out of Even’s lungs. “So. My offer is this: stay. Find out where this will go. Love me, if you must.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do”, Even hurried to say. “I must.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak nodded slowly. He looked down again, at Even’s leg, focusing on his work for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, will you stay?” Isak asked. He tried to sound neutral. He did a pretty good job at it, but there was something beneath the surface, an unspoken wish. Whatever it was, it sealed the deal. So to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? I don’t -- I’m not keeping you here against your will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m not sure. I mean. I’m sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>now.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But I’m. Needy. To put it mildly. Right now my needs are met, because you are taking care of me and talking to me and. This is perfect.” Even sighed. He was an idiot for rocking the boat. “I can’t promise you I will stay happy for long.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could we take care of that when the time comes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>We. Isak said </span>
  <em>
    <span>we,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it still made butterflies take flight inside Even. That was something. That was a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deal.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A couple of hours and three re-applies of sun screen later the laundry was done. Isak had rigged some clotheslines between the trees. The clothes would dry up quickly in this heat. It was so hot. The tub had a drain in it, with a long tube, so they could direct the flow where they wanted it to go. After the last rinse Isak grabbed the edge of the empty tub, but Even stopped him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fill it up one more time. Cool water.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak arched his brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure how much hot water we have left.” They needed hot water to make cool water out of the cold water from the well. Even glanced up to the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s use cold water then. The sun will warm it up for us soon enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak raised his other brow as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even grinned. Isak’s face was priceless. It was about to become even better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. We’re taking a bath.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Even had anticipated, Isak’s face was worth seeing. Even smiled at him and gave the tub a little shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we will fit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak looked at the tub. Then he looked at Even. He was suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to fuck you in that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even laughed. There was a bit of tenseness in his laughter, some nervous energy left over from their talk earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d be more logistics than sexy, I reckon. But I can hold my breath for almost a minute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak almost mocked Even for his boasting, but then it probably occurred to him what Even was actually saying. The thirst flashed in his eyes. Even licked his lips slowly to seal the deal. It worked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. But you’re going to fill the tub up. I need to make lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak hurried down the path. Even kept looking, and as Isak turned the corner, he gave Even a quick little glance. When he noticed Even caught him he blushed and disappeared immediately. It made Even feel warm. He pushed Isak off balance, and he liked it. All this prancing around in a skimpy outfit paid off after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even took the buckets to the well and filled them up. This was slower with only one man on the job. Much slower. Even was going to be so sore tonight. Maybe, if he played his cards right, Isak would agree to give him a massage after the sauna. Even wanted to bathe after all this working, and even though a sauna in the middle of a heat wave seemed counter-intuitive, it was really nice. Especially when you could dunk a bucketful of cool water over your head afterwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even filled the tub only about two thirds full and decided it was enough. His back was killing him, but not as hard as his shoulders were. He was also starving, and whatever it was Isak was cooking smelled really good. Even left the buckets by the tub and returned to the cabin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Claire and Nicole were eyeing each other threateningly as Even walked to the yard. They caught his eye, and he directed his steps towards them, when Isak’s voice stopped him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almodóvar is on it”, Isak said. He was right. The rooster approached the chickens and promptly separated them before they managed to start their fight properly. “I didn’t need a rooster to get eggs, but he looks after the chickens and keeps them from fighting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pedro crowed proudly, like he understood what Isak just said. Isak groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t expect the bastard to be crowing all the time day and night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t the other roosters crow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every morning, at dawn, like they were supposed to. Señor Almodóvar is special.” There was a gentle tone in Isak’s voice, badly veiled by irritation. Isak liked his animals, all of them, even Pedro. Or Buttercup, who he kept shooing off with a soft sway of his leg, careful to not hit the goat. “Lunch is almost done. I’m making eggs in a tomato stew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It smells super good. Bowls and spoons?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Isak raised the lid of the pan and took a peek. A waft of delicious aromas reached Even and made his mouth water. He stepped inside to get them bowls, spoons and water bottles. He ran up to the well while Isak plated their food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in the shade on the porch and ate. Isak got them refills of the water twice. It was hot. The water in the tub had helped a lot, but it had also made them forget to drink enough. Isak had been generous with salt in the food and it really hit the spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After lunch they sat in silence for a moment. Even watched the chickens walk around the yard, doing their chicken things. Even wasn’t ever going to get tired of that. He still had no idea which chick was which, and Isak had turned down his idea of tiny colour coded waistcoats </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> his other idea of mini bracelets. He claimed it didn’t matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak put his bowl down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice shorts”, he said. Even blushed. It was stupid. He knew Isak had noticed. He had wanted Isak to notice. He had worked hard for it. Even stretched his legs out so Isak could take a better look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. I made them myself. By that I mean I got a bad tear on my jeans and chopped the legs off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Silver linings”, Isak hummed. He ran his eyes up and down Even’s legs, taking his time to fully appreciate them. “I’m sorry. About earlier. I could have handled it better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you really could have”, Even sighed. “I was just being dramatic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Isak pulled his leg up against his chest and rested his chin on his knee. “You were just being you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Back at you”, Even stated. Isak had just been Isak. The man Even had learned to know and love. Even fiddled with a thread of his jorts. “We are going to make it, aren’t we?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak didn’t respond. But he did raise his eyes from Even’s hand and thigh and fiddling to Even’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean. I don’t know shit about relationships, or how to make them last, but this, whatever this is, this thing between us is real. It feels real. It feels like something I want to work for, and I haven’t had something like that in my life for a long time. And even then it was an unhealthy obsession.” Even blushed at the memory. His shrine. His investigations. His fantasy of a career skyrocketing, fuelled by his scoop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind work. It has kept me sane up here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. He wanted to ask. He was so anxious to learn everything there was to be learned about Isak. He wanted to know how Isak had felt when he had come up here. How he had worked everything out. If anyone had taught him how to fend for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about you? How do you feel about us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak made a pained face, which made Even immediately regret he asked. It was too late now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I don’t want you to leave, but that’s about all I’m certain of. Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. It’s okay.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was not okay. Of course it wasn’t. Even was smart enough to not tell Isak that. He had to meet Isak in the middle. Relationships took effort and compromises were necessary. Even could wait. It wasn’t too much to ask. Isak needed time. Even had time. Especially since Isak didn’t want him to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even bit his lip. He looked at Isak’s ankle. It was best to remain silent. He didn’t want to push Isak. Maybe he could find a detour?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to push you”, Even said slowly. He was still thinking as he spoke. Some people might have said, that it was a bit too late at that stage, but he didn’t care. “But there’s something I’d like to ask from you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak glanced at him, almost nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can always ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can? Without you rolling your eyes so hard they pop out of their sockets?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak pursed his lips and blushed. Even sort of wanted to tell him it was cool, but he also sort of didn’t. Isak had it coming. Even wasn’t being unreasonable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise I will try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded. It was enough, because it had to be. If Isak really, genuinely tried, Even couldn’t ask for more. It wouldn’t have been reasonable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As you might have noticed I have a tendency to go overboard with things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak really, genuinely tried to not roll his eyes. Even appreciated the effort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Well. I’m asking you to call me out on it. Nicely. I know myself pretty well, I have been scrutinizing my every move for years, and I know I’m going to try to impress you. Don’t let me. I don’t want to win you over with party tricks and then have to keep the party going for the rest of my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit, Even shouldn’t have said </span>
  <em>
    <span>for the rest of my life.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He saw Isak noticed it. It made him wet his lips nervously. Even decided to ignore it. Trying to take it back wasn’t going to work, only draw more attention to it. He just kept quiet, no matter how hard it was. It was Isak’s turn to speak. He took his time, staring into the forest, the slightest furrow between his brows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Party tricks like an underwater blowjob?” Isak’s voice was quiet. Almost timid. He had considered not saying this at all, then he had listened to what Even had said, and decided it was necessary. The sheer amount of caring diluted the sting of the shame, but not enough to keep Even from blushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. Though it could be fun, too. I have always wanted to try it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak arched his brow and turned to look at Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? You have </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted to try to suck a dick under water?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, ever since it first occurred to me, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-huh. And when exactly did it occur to you for the first time, if I may ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. Fine. Isak was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe today, but that’s could be just a coincidence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure. Of course.” Isak pushed himself up on his feet and just as Even started to worry he was leaving he turned around and reached out his hand to Even. Even let Isak pull him up. “I have spent the entire lunch trying to come up with a position where that would work. There is no way, not in that tub. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? Maybe if I lie on my back in the bottom of the tub and --”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you do that you will drown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak was so deadpan serious Even could only laugh. Isak was right. He was right and slightly concerned for Even’s safety and health, and that wasn’t funny, but Even still laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose you’re right.” He was still standing pleasurably close to Isak. He brushed at his waistband with the back of his fingers. “How about an underwater hand job, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just. Impossible. Aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded solemnly. Yes. He was definitely impossible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your own fault. You knew what you were doing when you posed for me half naked and wet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was doing laundry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Our</span>
  </em>
  <span> laundry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even slid his palm on Isak’s lower back. Isak allowed it. He kept his eyes on Even’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I have changed my shirt daily. I’ll do better from now on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could have just not washed them and made you wear them for a second round”, Isak hummed. His nose brushed against Even’s nose. Even gave Isak’s lips a little nibble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I don’t care one bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even kissed him. He turned away, but kissed Even immediately after. Even pulled him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course not. You’re Isak Valtersen, and you don’t need anything or anybody.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly”, Isak confirmed. He kissed Even again. He touched Even’s cheek with his fingertips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a Real Man. Precisely what I need. I choose you, Isak Valtersen, the man of my life. Better get used to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak brushed a strand of Even’s hair away from his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The man of your life?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nodded firmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard me.” Sure, Even was sort of mumbling in between little kisses he didn’t seem to be able to stop placing on Isak’s lips. But Isak heard him. And Even meant it. He needed a man in his life, and Isak was the perfect one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Making choices is not your strength”, Isak said. Even simply had to taste the side of his neck. It made Isak giggle weirdly, to Even’s great delight. Moments like this made it all worth it. He was just kissing Isak and being silly with him, and it was the best thing ever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some have worked out in my benefit”, Even hummed right under Isak’s ear. Isak breathed in slightly sharper than normally. Even slipped his fingers under his waistband, to the gray area between Isak’s back and ass. “Let’s get into that tub before the water starts boiling in the sun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They advanced slowly, because they kept stopping to kiss. It was like a game. They built up their heat bit by bit, kiss by kiss, and peeled their clothes off on the side of the path as they went. They reached the tub completely naked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you get a sunburn on your dick?” Even asked. Isak laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We better be quick, then.” Even climbed into the tub and spread his legs, so Isak could settle between them. He pulled Isak’s back against his chest. Isak looked over his shoulder and caught Even’s lips into yet another kiss. The water was nice and cool but not cold, and Isak felt wonderfully warm against Even.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even ran his fingers down Isak’s chest. He would have liked to take his time, but they would have to wait for a cloudy day. Now they had to make haste. Isak stumbled out of the kiss into a soft moan as Even wrapped his fingers around his dick. It felt nice. Different. The water made it feel more subtle in a way. If a hand job could ever be exactly subtle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak’s moans at least were. They were soft and small, and there was something beautifully vulnerable in him right now. He was resting against Even, trusting his embrace, and surrendering to Even’s touches. He pushed his arm back and buried his fingers in Even’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucky for the well being of their dicks it didn’t take long for Isak to come. Even let go of him when he went soft, and even then a bit reluctantly. Isak had to take a moment to gather his breath. Even kissed his shoulder and snickered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Isak mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This tub is now full of cum soup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Isak’s silence spoke volumes. Then he sighed and leaned back a bit more comfortably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what? I can live with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even nuzzled the side of Isak’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about a sunburnt dick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take my chances. Five more minutes, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even placed his palm over Isak’s crotch for protection. Apparently, Isak could live with that, as well.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>